chapter 4

chapter 4

It was winter, and the number of cardiovascular and cerebrovascular patients in my department surged.

After working without rest day after day, I finally collapsed.

I had acute appendicitis. My colleagues quickly arranged surgery.

It was a minor procedure, so I did not tell my parents. I called only Cheng Huaiyuan.

He arrived quickly, his face full of concern when he saw me.

“Ranran, I wish I could hurt in your place. I wish I were the one going into that operating room.”

Of course I was moved.

At that moment, I truly thought he was worth everything.

After the surgery, Huaiyuan stayed at my bedside from that afternoon until the next morning.

The procedure was minimally invasive, but an incision was still an incision.

When the anesthetic wore off that night, the wound hurt so badly that I could not stop moaning. He held my hand with one of his and gently stroked my forehead with the other.

Somehow, through the haze, I fell asleep.

It was that night I decided I would marry him.

But when I woke the next morning, Huaiyuan was gone.

He had left a message on WeChat saying his boss was hounding him to pick someone up at the airport and that he would be back soon.

I suspected nothing and endured the postoperative pain alone.

He returned sometime after nine with breakfast from Yonghe King.

“Has my little glutton passed gas yet? You can’t drink the soy milk until you have. Too bad you can’t have a fried dough stick today.”

He waved the cup of soy milk at me.

Back in university, my favorite breakfast had been Yonghe King’s soy milk and fried dough sticks.

I was not allowed solid food after surgery and could drink only a little liquid once my intestines began working again. I had already passed gas, so I accepted the soy milk with a smile and praised him for choosing well.

While I drank, I scrolled through my social feed and saw a post Zhang Jing had uploaded half an hour earlier.

The photograph showed a Yonghe King breakfast set: soy milk and fried dough sticks.

The caption read: Missing dinner was a shame, but having breakfast together is still happiness.

I scrolled past it quickly and even joked with Huaiyuan. “That classmate of yours, Zhang Jing? She had Yonghe King this morning too. She posted that even though they missed dinner, having breakfast together was still happiness.”

Instead of teasing her with me as he normally would, Huaiyuan used the excuse of fetching water and left the room.

Perhaps it was a woman’s intuition that made me notice something was wrong. I reopened Zhang Jing’s post and saw a phone beside the steaming cup of soy milk.

Its case was identical to Cheng Huaiyuan’s.

A bone-deep chill crawled up my back.

I had bought matching cases for us, custom-made with a pattern unique to the two of us.

I could not possibly be mistaken.

At a loss, I refreshed her feed.

This time the photograph was gone.

Zhang Jing’s entire feed was empty.

A few minutes later, Huaiyuan returned with the water jug.

Feigning ease, he said, “I asked the doctor in charge of your bed. You’re recovering well. He told me not to worry.”

I stared into his eyes. “Why was your phone in Zhang Jing’s post?”

Discomfort flashed over his face before he hurried to deny it. “How could it be? You must have seen wrong.”

His denial chilled my heart further.

I showed him the screenshot I had taken. “I didn’t see wrong. I know this is the case I bought you. Now tell me why my boyfriend crossed half the city to the airport on the morning after my surgery to eat breakfast with another woman.”

I held his gaze without blinking.

This was the man I had loved for years. From eighteen to twenty-six, he had occupied eight full years of my youth.

He had witnessed my triumphs and walked beside me through my darkest moments. Only the night before, I had decided I wanted to marry him.

I loved him profoundly.

But I also knew I could leave him.

Perhaps the finality in my eyes frightened him. Flustered, he began to explain exactly what had happened between him and Zhang Jing.

A week earlier, Zhang Jing had told him she was coming to Beijing on business. She wanted to treat him to dinner in person to thank him for arranging her father’s appointment.

They had planned to meet the previous evening, but then I suddenly fell ill, so he did not go.

Zhang Jing had waited for him all night.

“We agreed to have dinner, and then I left her waiting for so long. I felt awful. This morning she said she was leaving early. You were sleeping soundly, and the airport wasn’t far away, so I went over while I had the chance.

“I was hungry when I got there. Zhang Jing said she was hungry too, so we ate breakfast together. What’s wrong with that?”

The righteous certainty in his voice made my incision hurt worse with rage.

I punctured his ridiculous sense of innocence. “If she wanted to thank anyone, shouldn’t it have been me? I was the one who asked my mother to arrange her father’s appointment.

“And if she wanted to thank you, why did she have to wait all night? Was there no other way?

“Her caption said that even if you couldn’t eat dinner together, eating breakfast together was still happiness.

“Do you really think that is the kind of shameless garbage an ordinary friend or classmate would say?”

When I cursed, Huaiyuan became angry.

His eyes reddened. “Jiang Ran, speaking like this disrespects me, Zhang Jing, and yourself! When did you become so insecure? She and I are only old high school classmates. Her family is poor, and she has had terrible luck these past few years. Her life hasn’t been easy. I simply find it hard to refuse someone so pitiful. If you insist there is something between us, I can tell you openly: what I feel for her is pity. Sympathy. The compassion one person feels for a classmate of the same age. But you insist on accusing me of things I haven’t done. You disappoint me.”

Huaiyuan spoke with such certainty that I might have been the unreasonable one.

I shook with anger. My wound throbbed more sharply, and cold sweat spread over my body.

He reached out to steady me. I shoved his hand away.

Only then did he apologize. “Forget it. You’re sick, and I’m arguing with you. That’s my fault. But there is truly nothing between Zhang Jing and me. Please don’t be angry.”

I nearly laughed. “Cheng Huaiyuan, do you truly only pity her? There are countless unfortunate people in this world, yet I don’t see you running around pitying every one of them. And do you honestly not know what she feels for you?”

He grew agitated. “What could she possibly feel for me? Even if she did harbor some inappropriate idea-which is already a huge assumption-I could never feel the same way! She’s just an ordinary classmate. You’ve met her. She’s a proper, decent girl who has never even dated. Isn’t it cruel of you to make such malicious guesses about her?”

Malicious?

In his mind, I had somehow become a malicious woman.

For the first time, Cheng Huaiyuan disappointed me.

It felt as though something had closed around my heart. Like a fish stranded out of water, I had to hold my breath just to force out the words.

“Her presence makes me uncomfortable. You can choose her or me. Not both.”

I would not tolerate my boyfriend caring for a woman who wanted him. It was disrespectful to me and to her.

I would give him this one chance to choose. There would never be another.

Jiang Ran had no use for a love that was not hers alone.

Huaiyuan went still, as though I had disappointed him beyond measure. “Jiang Ran, why is it always so easy for you to talk about giving up?

“Giving up on you has never been an option in my life. Yet I always feel that to you, I’m only an object you could discard at any moment.”

After saying that, he walked out.

He did not return all afternoon.

I lay in the hospital bed and watched the sunlight inch down the sky. Only then did I learn how unbearably long half a day could be.

But when the last light was swallowed by the darkening sky and the ward lamps came on, Cheng Huaiyuan returned.

His eyes were red as a rabbit’s. “Jiang Ran, if I hadn’t come back, you truly would never have looked for me again, would you?

“But what am I supposed to do? I can never let you go. I promise that if you don’t like Zhang Jing, I’ll never see her again. Please let me come back to you.”

Tears trembled in his eyes beneath the lights.

My heart softened.