Friendship

My best friend and I ended up inside the same novel.

She was the scheming second male lead’s hopeless admirer.

I was the obsessive villain’s substitute lover.

In public, we pined for men who didn’t love us.

In private, we spent their money like there was no tomorrow.

After three years of living it up, the heroine—the woman they supposedly truly loved—came back.

Once we learned that both men would lose their minds over her, my best friend packed a little bag and knocked on my door late at night.

“I’ve saved enough.

Have you?”

“Not quite,” I said.

“But I can spend yours.”

So we faked our deaths and ran away together.

Three years later, she had the misfortune to run into her ex-husband.

“I’ll cover for you!”

I told her.

“Run!”

Then I turned around and walked straight into a solid chest.

The obsessive villain calmly undid his tie and bound my hands.

“Try getting away yourself first.”

Qi He had spent three years trying to win me over, mistaking me for the heroine.

He sent me money, made transfers, and bought me a home.

I accepted it all without batting an eye.

I could hear his thoughts: Why hasn’t the romance progress gone up at all?

Am I not giving her enough?

I pretended I had no idea.

So he gave me more and more money.

Until one day, he finally realized he’d been pursuing the wrong woman.

The women in the detention center didn’t much like me.

Among all those streetwise girls, I was the only one who wore glasses.

When they finally asked what I’d done, I told them: I’d stolen five thousand yuan from my parents to go to Peking University.

They laughed and called me an unlucky kid.

The day I got out, my parents didn’t come.

A battered van did.

Blondie rolled down the window and told me to get in.

She was taking me to the station.

I was a midwife.

Up in the hills, I found a pregnant woman.

She claimed to be the wife of the Marquis of Yongning.

She begged me to save her, promising to repay me a hundredfold.

I said nothing and quietly took her home.

To everyone else, she was my cousin, a rich merchant’s concubine who had come to me for shelter.

Because I had just returned from the Yongning estate.

Where I had delivered the marchioness’s baby.

I was a third-rank hairdressing maid at Chengxi Palace.

My greatest pleasure each day was making Her Ladyship look beautiful.

What?

His Majesty had visited a dancing girl from Jiangnan?

Time for a fresh summer look full of little joys…

What?

His Majesty had developed a taste for exotic beauty?

Time for a midriff-baring outfit inspired by the flying celestial figures of Dunhuang…

My skills earned me the position of chief steward of the inner palace.

Then, when I turned twenty-five, I needed to leave the palace for a while.

The Noble Consort, who usually ignored everyone, clenched her teeth.

“I forbid you to go!”

The dignified, courteous Empress smiled gently.

“The palace rules are outdated.

It is time we changed them.”

But—but I was only going home to visit my family!

My boyfriend’s manipulative junior had tried to steal him away from me one too many times. Finally, I reached my breaking point and gave him a piece of advice.

My boyfriend replied, “Got it.” The next day. The junior said, “Good morning, Senior! What a coincidence, seeing you here again.”

My boyfriend replied, “Good morning. I’m gay.” The junior: “?”

I tried to persuade my best friend to break up eight hundred times, but in the end, I attended her wedding and drank her wedding wine.

On the wedding day, I sat at the main table with the guy’s strategist, both of us checking our phones and comparing notes.

We realized that every time the couple threatened to break up, it was always the two of us who got dragged into it.

Our chat histories were eerily similar.

[We broke up. This time it’s for real.]

[But what about him/her? What should I do?]

Guy’s strategist: [Maybe you should change jobs. You’d make a great clown in a circus.]

Me: [Pay me some compensation.]

introduction:

[1v1 guaranteed sweetness + romance reality show + playfully going wild with memes + heartthrob + romantic battlefield + male lead]

Ning Xi lived for 21 years before realizing she was the universally disliked fake heiress in a novel where the rich family dotes on one child-a foil and stepping stone to the Real Heiress.

In the book, everyone who adored the Real Heiress got everything they wanted and became wildly successful, while anyone who went against her ended up miserable.

Ning Xi was silent. Ning Xi had an epiphany. Ning Xi got excited:

“I get it! I should chase after the Female Lead too! Be good to the Female Lead!”

So –

When the Real Heiress put on a brave face and spoke gently in front of Ning Xi’s fiancé, Ning Xi looked at her with genuine concern: “I know you want to be strong, but you don’t have to be strong anymore – I’ve got you!”

When the Real Heiress shed tears in front of Ning Xi’s Childhood Friend, Ning Xi yelled at him: “If you make her shed a single tear, I’ll make you bleed! If you break my sister’s wings, I’ll bring down your entire heaven!”

When the Real Heiress fainted in the arms of the Prince of Xiangcheng, Ning Xi swooped her up and warned him: “My girl – don’t touch, don’t steal, don’t even think about her. If you lay a finger on her, 110 takes me away, 120 takes you away!” (110 = police, 120 = ambulance)

When the Real Heiress was exposed for dating multiple guys and her reputation was ruined, Ning Xi fumed: “Even if we take ten thousand steps back, are those guys totally blameless?”

After going wild, Ning Xi’s whole mental state improved a lot.

But then, everyone else started acting weird.

The hot-tempered, sharp-tongued Childhood Friend started sending her abs workout videos; the cold fiancé’s eyes turned red and his voice shook as he begged her to get back together; the Villain Boss was willing to play the third for love.

Even the Real Heiress, who always put her down, was teary-eyed: “I thought I was just clever, but I didn’t expect you to truly love me.”

Ning Xi: ?

Everyone’s lost it…

My son was being pestered by another boy.

The teacher called and asked me to come to the school.

When I arrived, he shouted at me for the first time. “Mom, what’s wrong with me liking boys?”

I looked at him, feeling neither anger nor resentment.

I crouched down and asked him in a low voice, “Then how can you be sure that you like boys?”

My husband cheated on me.

My best friend has it even worse-her husband turned out to be gay.

I was raring to go: “Wanna get revenge?”

She clenched her teeth. “Yeah, let’s do it. Make them suffer.”

So, I swapped the lube with superglue.

She smeared chili extract all over their little toys.

That night,

our husbands ended up glued together, shaped just like the letter H.