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Earth Master Girl 23: Shanxi Buddha Caves
Bootleg Black Wukong was all the rage among my classmates.
One of its scenic areas was called the Land of Mahayana.
Everyone who played it became obsessed and went there to check in.
But not a single one of them came back.
I received that pirated disc too.
What they didn’t know was that I was the only Earth Master successor.
Earth Master Girl: Battle Against Sand Ghosts
“Earth Master”
The village had suffered drought year after year, yet the villagers still received us warmly and treated us to baths.
After we finished bathing, the next day, spring water began bubbling up from the dried-up well at the village entrance.
The villagers were ecstatic.
“You have been chosen by the Spring Spirit. Stay here forever.”
What they didn’t know was that I was the only Earth Master successor.
Earth Master Girl: Guizhou Water Village
When the village held funerals, it had a custom called “Ox-Cutting.”
Each member of the bereaved family would take a blade in the mourning hall and hack a live ox to death as an offering to the departed.
A friend brought me along to watch the ritual.
I never imagined that when I woke up, I would have become that “ox.”
The villagers closed in around me with knives in hand.
But what they didn’t know was that I was the sole Earth Master successor.
Everyone in the Family Is a Top Star, But I’m a Nobody
The world is one giant slapdash production, and I somehow drift through it anyway.
My father is a financial tycoon, but I can barely handle addition and subtraction under ten. My mother is a gorgeous award-winning actress, while I look perfectly ordinary. My brother held his first solo art exhibition at four, while at five I was still toddling after him babbling nonsense.
Even our maid, Wang Ma, and our butler, Uncle Chen, turned out to be retired legends hiding in plain sight.
Thankfully, all of them adored me. I slowly made peace with being ordinary.
Then one day, a genius girl who had gone viral online showed up at our door and demanded that I give her back her place as the real daughter of the Su family.
Wonderful. The worry that had been hanging over me for years finally dropped dead.
Four Blood Paintings
When I was a child, my father once gave me a ten-yuan bill as pocket money.
He said he had picked it up on the road.
I remember very clearly that on the back of that bill, written in black ink, was a line:
“There is a pyramid scheme on the fifth floor. Help.”
I took the money to show my father, and he smiled and told me,
“Who knows how many people have used this bill? Who knows when those words were written? Maybe the person who wrote them has already been rescued.”
I was in a hurry to buy chocolate, so I didn’t think much about it.
Because chocolate is sweet, after all.
Not long after, there was a piece of news on TV.
“A man mistakenly entered a pyramid scheme den, was beaten to death, and then dismembered.”
As a child, I stared blankly at the television.
My father also stared blankly at the television.
I asked him what was wrong.
He shouted at me angrily, telling me not to meddle in his business, and then left the house.
At the time, I didn’t know what was going on; I just felt confused.
It wasn’t until the New Year, at the family dinner, that my father got drunk and cried uncontrollably. In front of all the relatives, he confessed to picking up that bill.
The place where he found the money was directly below the den mentioned in the news.
In other words, the words on that ten-yuan bill were very likely written by someone who had fallen into that pyramid scheme, possibly even the person who was dismembered.
He sobbed, clutching a bottle of liquor, saying that it was his fault that the man died. The whole family comforted him, but I just stood aside, dumbfounded and at a loss.
So… I used that money to buy chocolate…
Something indescribable seemed to awaken within me.
Throughout my later life, I would often think of that ten-yuan bill.
I wondered, was the original owner of that money alright? Was he really rescued? Or… did that money really come from the man who was dismembered?
If it really came from him, he must have endured painful beatings and inhuman torture before finally seizing a chance one day to write those words for help on the bill and toss it out the window.
He must have clung to hope for rescue until the very moment he died.
Yet my father ignored that hope.
I always ask myself, if I had been the first to find that bill, could I have saved him? Or would I have overlooked the writing, just like my father?
This thought haunts me like a ghost, tormenting my mind more and more as I grow older.
Until that day.
A new “bill” appeared before me.
…
Golden Cage Shines on Mountains and Rivers
I was meant to marry the Emperor of Great Liang, but a decree for a political marriage sent me to Northern Yan instead.
On our wedding night, I mixed blood from the tip of my tongue into the wedding wine, intending to poison the tyrannical prince.
Yet, he drained the poisoned cup for me and said with a smile, “Don’t be in such a hurry. The heads of every official in this court-I will cut them off for you, one by one.”
Green Grapes
When I was sixteen, the Zhou Family bought me to be a breeder for their lame son, Zhou Yuqing, to bear him children.
Though the agreement was for me to arrive in June, I reported to the Zhou Family in March.
I did this for two reasons: first, to save my own family some grain, and second, to leave a good impression on my future master.
But Zhou Yuqing despised me for being a country bumpkin and called me stupid.
He said I wasn’t nearly as delicate or pretty as Miss Su next door.
Even as he shared my bed, he looked down on me for being dirty.
“You must bathe four times with green jasmine and white champaca, then comb your hair with osmanthus oil. Miss Su uses osmanthus oil-have you got that through your head? ”
“If you serve me well next time, this young master might just grant you a formal title.”
I nodded, scrubbing myself with a loofah until I nearly rubbed my skin raw.
Suddenly, someone grabbed me by the scruff of the neck and hauled me, dripping wet, out of the tub.
It was Madam Liu, the broker who had sold me. She was in a frantic rush as she dragged my naked, fragrant body toward the door.
“Good heavens! It’s all wrong, all wrong! It wasn’t the Zhou Family who bought you-it was the Zou Family!”
How Satisfying It Is to Talk Nonsense with Relatives
Twenty years ago, my dad got drunk and let it slip to someone that he had made two hundred thousand yuan in a year raising chickens. Before long, every chicken on his farm had been poisoned to death.
Later, my dad bought an eighty-million-yuan apartment in Beijing outright, and he didn’t tell a single person back home. Even my grandparents had no idea.
Now my dad has long since become the CEO of a corporation worth several hundred million. Every time we go home for New Year’s or the holidays, he makes my mom and me help him pretend we’re poor.
At the New Year’s Eve dinner, I sat there bundled in a thick cotton coat and cotton slippers, both hands shoved into my pockets.
And so began my proud inheritance of my father’s fine tradition: talking absolute nonsense.
Who would’ve thought I’d overdo the act and run into someone I knew?
Me: “President Gu?”
Him: “President Shen?”
Then we both clapped a hand over each other’s mouths.
How the Crown Princess Academy Went Bankrupt
Xu Man is forced into the Crown Princess Academy with only one goal: get her tuition back and save her ailing father.
When the academy uses rules and money to grind its noble students into submission, she joins forces with her classmates, exposes its corruption through a single ledger, brings the bride-training institution to a halt, and balances the books for women determined to win back their freedom.