Comedy

My mother was the ubiquitous housekeeper Mrs. Wang from domineering-CEO romance novels.

After graduating from college, I inherited the family profession and became Mrs. Wang 2.0.

When the CEO’s first love faked a fall, I slid a cushion under her to keep her safe.

When Madam was too depressed to eat, I cheered her up with warm words and good food.

When the CEO scolded his first love, I comforted her too.

I lived by the housekeeper’s creed my mother had taught me: every visitor is a guest, and a good worker always sees what needs doing.

In the end, Madam and the first love came to blows over me.

“You can have my man—we can negotiate; try taking my housekeeper, and you’re dead!”

My online boyfriend had an insanely attractive voice.

Every night, I hid under my covers and talked to him on the phone.

He indulged my every request, and his voice was so seductive it could practically get me pregnant on the spot.

Afraid my male roommate might overhear, I asked my online boyfriend to lower his voice.

That was when a comment feed suddenly appeared before my eyes.

[How can the supporting female character be this oblivious? She has no idea her online boyfriend is the obsessive male lead she lives with.]

[She really went and provoked him. She’ll have plenty of reasons to cry later.]

[She’s only chatting with him as a stand-in for the heroine, though. She’d better run before he finds out who she is, or it’ll be too late and he’ll…]

Terrified, I ended the call.

I stepped out of my room, intending to splash some water on my face and calm down.

Then, from the bathroom, I faintly heard a man’s voice trembling with restraint. “Baby, why did you hang up all of a sudden?”

My parents had always told me that the less I spoke, the fewer mistakes I would make, so I became a girl of few words.

At the same time, they adored my older cousin’s bright, gracious manner and told me to imitate her in everything.

They loved her so much that when she refused to marry her impoverished fiancé, they did not hesitate to offer me in her place.

Smiling obsequiously at my uncle, my parents assured him, “Han’er is willing to help her sister out of this difficulty.”

My uncle stared at me in surprise and asked, “Han’er, are you truly willing?”

My parents frantically signaled for me to answer.

I nodded and gave them what they wanted.

“I am.”

Relief washed over their faces.

With no expectations of them left to lose, I finally spoke from the heart.

“Anywhere would be better than staying with a pair of fawning, spineless, shamelessly biased parents.”

Li Que had transmigrated.

In this world, anomalies lurked everywhere, and ordinary people lived in constant fear.

Fortunately, he had awakened the [Good Teacher System]. As long as he properly taught the handful of troubled students in his class, he could become an anomaly wielder.

So he happily wrote lesson plans and taught his students.

Then, one day, everything changed.

A girl with autism burst into tears. Storm clouds blanketed the sky as anomaly domains spread unchecked!

The boy who loved sleeping through class opened his eyes. The entire world fell asleep as nightmares descended upon it!

The food-obsessed boy looked up at the stars, opened his mouth, and swallowed. Heaven and earth went dark!

At that moment, Li Que was utterly dumbfounded.

Li Que: “What the hell? Every student in my class is an S-class anomaly?!”

In the unluckiest year of my life, I—a male fox—became bound to a Fertility System.

I ended up carrying the children of a Sword Venerable who cultivated the Path of Detachment.

Then I lost my nerve and ran away pregnant.

I am a woman of boundless kindness.

So when Song Lin’an told me that the only woman he had ever loved was my elder half sister, I sent him straight to the grave without hesitation.

“My sister is dead, and since your devotion runs so deep, you should join her. No need to thank me. Nothing delights me more than helping true lovers fulfill their wishes.”

When I opened my eyes again, I was back on the day of our betrothal.

Song Lin’an glared at me and humiliated me before everyone. “The Song family will only welcome a truly virtuous woman. We will never let a vicious shrew through our doors!”

He broke off the match and made me the laughingstock of the capital.

He also branded me a vicious woman.

Song Lin’an schemed his way into marrying my elder half sister instead.

No one wanted me after that.

On the day they returned to visit her family, Song Lin’an sneered at me. “Everyone knows what you really are now. Let us see who else you can ruin!”

I only smiled.

The fool had no idea that in our previous life, I had lived to eighty while he had dropped dead at twenty.

I knew far too many things he did not.

My legitimate elder sister and I joined the Wuji Sect on the same day, and our master taught her the Carefree Dao.

When it was my turn, Master gave me a sidelong glance and told me to seek my own Dao.

But I could not read, so I thought he wanted me to learn the way of theft.

Thirty years later, he emerged from seclusion, took one look at the boundless emptiness where our sect had once stood, and was struck dumb.

“Have the demons invaded?!”

“The Ghost King? I’d say we’re about evenly matched. I solo-kill it all the time, too.”

So said Qin Lan, fresh out of a max-star horror instance.

Anomalies have descended across the globe, and all of humanity is now at risk of being dragged at random into horror instances, where evil spirits hunt them down.

Qin Lan, however, has awakened a bugged Talent that lets him reload without limit and stack his attributes with every death.

I was the daughter of a wealthy merchant, married into the Marquis of Dingyuan’s household as a bride meant to bring good luck.

On the first day of our marriage, the old marquis choked to death on his medicine.

On the second, my younger sister-in-law drowned.

On the third, my younger brother-in-law fell from his horse and died.

A month later, only the young marquis and I remained alive in the entire estate.

We stared at each other, and he decided to divorce me before I could doom him too.

Before he could finish writing the divorce letter, however, an imperial edict sent him to the frontier to fight the enemy.

Sure enough, a month later, a servant returned with news of his death.

My junior brother curses every peeping tom to be struck by lightning—and when forty-nine bolts come for me, I discover I was the immortal undergoing a mortal tribulation all along.

Between a shameless master, a lovesick senior brother, a possessive silver dragon, and one disastrous scheme involving aphrodisiac tea, surviving my sect may be harder than ascending to heaven.

But when my memories return, so does the truth: the beautiful junior brother I meant to seduce, kill, and abandon is actually the husband who has waited seven thousand years to take me home.