Comedy

After being bullied by the prettiest girl in class for three years.

I did something vile: I used her photos to start an online relationship with a rich second-generation heir.

He was gentle and polite, generous with money. His only flaw was that his desires were a little too intense.

Before long, relying on sweet talk, I got four years’ worth of college tuition out of him.

On the day I decided to break up with him, I asked as if it had only just occurred to me:

“Baby, if I suddenly disappeared, what would you do?”

He gave a soft laugh, his tone dangerous. “Babe, don’t make jokes like that. I don’t like it.”

I didn’t cave to pressure. I deleted him on my end.

Later, by sheer coincidence, the prettiest girl in class and I ended up interning at the same tech company.

On our first day, we happened to run into the big boss from headquarters coming down for an inspection.

I stood at the very back of the crowd, but when I looked up, I saw a face that was unbearably familiar.

Before I could even react,

I saw the man’s gaze land on the prettiest girl in class.

His eyes lit up in an instant.

On Qixi Festival, the Chinese Valentine’s Day, my husband turned out to have another woman.

He not only paid me two hundred thousand yuan a month, but also asked me to look after her during her pregnancy.

What could I possibly say?

Tears of joy streamed helplessly down my face.

I packed overnight and moved straight into their little love nest.

Before stepping through the door, I raised my price at the last minute. “Three hundred thousand.”

Xu Chen gritted his teeth. “Deal.”

My best friend is the heroine of a forced-love novel.

The male lead, Gu Beichen, destroyed her career, got her first love killed, and locked her up in a villa like some precious treasure.

I’m the heroine of an angst novel, and I have it even worse than she does.

The male lead, Shen Xingjin, killed my child, cut out my kidney, ruined my entire family, and treated me like a plaything.

My best friend and I wanted to change our fates.

Later, Gu Beichen and Shen Xingjin, those two unhinged male leads, fell in love with each other.

Before I married into the Eastern Palace, I secretly kept a man in Jiangnan behind the Crown Prince’s back.

He had broad shoulders, a narrow waist, and worked hard in bed.

His only flaw was that he bragged far too much.

He was plainly a rough country man, yet he spoke of imperial treasures with utter disdain.

He claimed the Cloud-Mist tea reserved for the imperial family tasted like swill and that he used it to feed his cattle.

Rubies worth a fortune, he said, had been nothing but marbles to him as a child.

Even when I decided to leave him, he kept boasting.

Kneeling at my feet with both arms wrapped around my legs, he begged, “Weiwei, don’t go. I’ll make you Crown Princess!”

I rolled my eyes at him. “I have no interest in being Crown Princess.”

He stared at me in shock and muttered, “Weiwei, how are you even better at bragging than I am?”

Later, I married into the Eastern Palace. I heard the Crown Prince had long cherished another woman in his heart.

Though he had lost his memory, he had remained chaste for her.

He told me coldly, “I do not love you. Expect nothing from me.”

I blinked at that familiar face. Even after he crouched down to wash my feet, he still could not make sense of it.

With an adorably baffled look, he asked, “What’s going on? How come I’m so good at taking care of you?”

I transmigrated into a Merfolk Princess who burst into tears at the drop of a hat.

The System wanted me to bully the brooding villain before his Dragon Transformation.

I swam up to him and, trembling all over, slapped his face with my fishtail.

“B-bas… bastard.”

The System lectured me, “Own it! Put your back into it!”

Later, the villain completed his Dragon Transformation and became the Lord of the Four Seas.

He pinned my fishtail beneath the dragon claw of his lower body, his voice hoarse.

“Not enough. Again.”

My father was a professor at a prestigious university, and my mother held a doctorate in literature.

But only my older sister inherited their brilliant genes.

As for me, all I could do was chant “Makka Pakka,” the bitter little gourd their family tree had produced.

When my parents divorced, my sister chose Dad.

“I don’t want a retarded little sister,” she said.

I turned to Mom. “Be happy, Mommy. Makka Pakka!”

Luckily, Mom took my advice: she happily quit her job and started a company.

Years later, Dad nearly drove my genius sister out of her mind.

And I, still Makka-Pakka-ing my way through life, became the daughter of a millionaire.

I’m a delivery driver.

Just as I used my lightning-fast reflexes to snag a hundred-yuan errand order for a box of condoms, Before I could even gloat for two seconds, I realized with a shock that the delivery address was my boyfriend’s apartment.

I grabbed a meat cleaver and charged into the elevator.

There was another man in the elevator wearing a raincoat, clutching a large sledgehammer in his hand.

Just as I reached out to press the button for my floor, several lines of twisted text suddenly floated before my eyes.

[Is the Cannon Fodder Female Supporting Character coming online already? The male lead’s clingy ex-girlfriend.]

[Holy crap, that’s the Hidden Plot Killer next to her! Is the first act really this intense?]

[She’s about to become the first victim. Once the male lead finds her corpse, he’ll go berserk and take out the Killer to get his revenge.]

[But isn’t the male lead with the official female lead right now?]

[What do you know? A ‘White Moonlight’ only reaches her ultimate power once she’s dead~]

My finger froze in mid-air. The mirror-like surface of the elevator doors reflected the shadow behind me.

The Raincoat Man was silently raising his hammer, the shadow looming over the back of my head.

The very second the wind from the hammer’s swing pressed down on me, I spun around abruptly.

I didn’t swing my blade; instead, I slammed my hand heavily onto his shoulder. “Brother, let’s talk.”

He froze mid-motion. “Can you let me go slaughter that cheating couple first?”

I gripped the handle of my cleaver, gritting my teeth. “Then I’ll come back and let you hit me with that hammer.” “?”

[Does Chinese Taoist magic work on foreign ghosts?]

[I have no idea. I’m on my way to a cemetery castle right now. I’ll let you all know when I get back.]

My reply to the post was voted to the top of the comments.

Everyone said I was bragging, but what they didn’t know was that I am the sole Earth Master successor.

And the thing inside that British Castle is far more terrifying than any ghost.

My younger sister eloped with a penniless scholar, and her cold-hearted fiancé broke down my door, demanding that I take her place.

I was so scared I clutched my waistband and begged for mercy.

“Brother-in-law, how can you blame this on me?”

The two cinnabar moles beneath his eyes were as red as blood, and his tone was utterly indifferent.

“An elder sister is like a mother. In other words, every grievance has its culprit, and every debt has its debtor.”

“So, are you coming with me on your own, or am I dragging you away?”

Th-thrilling. Was this the domineering forced-love plot they wrote about in storybooks?

The weak could not fight the strong, so I was just about to get out of bed when I realized my sister had run off wearing the only pair of padded winter pants in the house.

Left with no choice, I lay right back down.

“Forget it. It’s freezing out, so let’s not move.”

“If you’re going to seize me, then seize me. Hurry up, while the blankets are still warm…”

“…”

-A laid-back heroine who sleeps through the abduction x an action-oriented hero who carries on abducting while she sleeps.

The Emperor brought a beauty back from Jiangnan and declared his intention to make her his Empress.

I adamantly refused.

“Empress Dowager, why? She and I share such a striking resemblance; it’s a sign we’re meant to be!”

You have the nerve to say that? You’ve gone and dug up the illegitimate daughter I hid so far away!