chapter 17

Chapter 17

After that day, I fell seriously ill. Injections, IV drips, medicine-after more than half a month of treatment, I just couldn’t get better.

Later, Cheng Yubai decided to bring me home from the hospital.

On the way home, I lay on his back, wiping my tears in sorrow. He only worried about how much weight I’d lost, not noticing that he himself had grown even thinner-his shoulder blades were so sharp they hurt my hands.

I didn’t want to cry, but I couldn’t help it.

Ever since Dad passed away, my life had become a mess. These days, I’d been so caught up in my own emotions that I’d neglected Cheng Yubai. He was clearly just as sad as I was, yet he still forced himself to take care of me.

“Cheng Yubai…”

Struggling to calm myself, I rested my head on his shoulder and murmured softly, “I don’t like living like this. I don’t want to keep crying, but I can’t control myself… I miss Dad.”

Cheng Yubai carried me, step by step, slowly making his way home.

When he heard what I said, his steps paused for a moment, then he continued forward.

“…Manman.” He called my name, signaling me to lift my head.

The surroundings were slowly growing dark, and in the distant sky, two stars shone especially bright.

Cheng Yubai said, “Manman, those are Dad and Mom.”

He said this, but I wasn’t a child anymore-I already knew that people don’t turn into stars after they die.

Cheng Yubai kept walking steadily with me on his back.

The road home was silent, making his voice especially clear: “Manman, those really are Dad and Mom. Not only the stars in the sky, but the moon is them too, the wind brushing past your ears, the rain falling outside the window, the little flowers and trees by the roadside-they’re all them… They’re always here, just in a different way, staying by our side.”

“But I don’t want it to be this way.”

I sniffed, my throat tight and uncomfortable. “…I can’t see them, I can’t touch them. How do I know if they’re doing well?”

“You know.” Cheng Yubai’s voice was firm. “Manman, you know.”

I fell silent. Cheng Yubai was right-I did know how to tell if they were doing well. Because Dad had told me countless times that only if I was doing well, he and Mom would be well, would feel at ease and happy.

Looking at the stars in the sky, I heard the words from my dream echo in my ears: “Girl, live well.”

That was the last thing Dad left me.

I knew I couldn’t keep drowning in sorrow-doing so would only make those who love me sad and heartbroken. Dad and Mom were gone, but their love for me remained, and I still had Cheng Yubai. I didn’t want to become a burden to him.

Even if it’s just for him, I can’t keep being so defeated.

“Cheng Yubai.”

I slowly pressed my cheek against Cheng Yubai’s back, staring absentmindedly at the little flowers and trees by the roadside. “…Let’s live well from now on, okay?”

After a few moments of silence, Cheng Yubai softly replied, “Okay.”

Having said it, we did just that.

The day after we got home, we cleaned every corner inside and out.

The jar of pickles Dad left was sealed with clay and placed at the very back of the cement counter. The sofa couldn’t be replaced, the cups couldn’t be thrown away-every trace Dad left in this house, we carefully preserved.

Looking at these familiar things, sometimes I’d feel dazed, as if Dad hadn’t really left. He’d just gone on a long trip, across endless seas and thousands of kilometers of land, living happily on the other side of the ocean where I could never reach.

With that thought, I managed to get through each day, growing stronger.

Even while recuperating at home, I still often cried my heart out missing Dad, but thankfully, the crying grew less frequent and didn’t last as long as before. I used to hate the bitterness and would secretly pour out my medicine, but now, I took it diligently every day, just as Dad had hoped I would.

Life finally, barely, returned to normal.

When Cheng Yubai took me back to school, it was already one month and nine days after the semester had started. Standing outside the school gate, I felt as if a lifetime had passed.

A few months ago, I was a carefree child cherished by my father, and Cheng Yubai was the most promising young man around.

But now?

I no longer had Dad’s love, and Cheng Yubai’s admission letter had been lost on the way.

So he stayed in our small county town, stayed by my side.

The sadness was real, but I also felt a trace of relief-at least, I wouldn’t be left all alone in this house.

But that selfish thought didn’t last long.

-Not after I discovered that Cheng Yubai had chosen to carry cement at a construction site to earn money and take care of me, and after I accidentally found his admission letter pressed at the very bottom of his wardrobe.

Holding Cheng Yubai’s hands, covered in wounds, I burst into tears, feeling as if the sky was falling.

It shouldn’t be like this.

His life was never meant to be like this.

Thinking of this, I grabbed that brand-new admission letter, pulled his hand, and tried desperately to drag him out: “Go to school, go to school… We have money, Dad left us plenty of money!”

Cheng Yubai stood there, unmoving.

“It’s too late, Manman.”

He looked at me and simply smiled. “School started a long, long time ago.”

I stopped helplessly, despair flooding my heart. “It’s all my fault, it’s all my fault. If only I hadn’t said I wanted egg rolls that day…”

Cheng Yubai’s smile faded.

Ever since Dad passed, he’d been nothing but gentle and careful with me, afraid of doing anything that might make me sad. For the first time in so long, he grew serious.

He cupped my face, his tone solemn: “Don’t ever say that again, Manman. You didn’t do anything wrong. No one wanted that to happen, least of all you. If you keep blaming yourself, Dad would be heartbroken if he knew.

“It was my own choice not to go to school.

“I told you, I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying here with Manman, looking after Manman.”

With that, he bent down and rubbed his cheek against my hair. “…So don’t blame yourself, Manman. I’m willing.”

I stared at Cheng Yubai, tears streaming down my face.

He said he was willing.

But what am I supposed to do, Cheng Yubai? My heart aches so much I could die.