Chapter 11

Chapter 11

I lived my life in a daze.

The army doctor confirmed that I was indeed pregnant, already over three months along.

Counting back the days, it must have happened that time behind the beaded curtain.

That night, I thought I was looking at the moon of Northern Liang for the last time, never imagining it was only the beginning.

I also heard some news: Northern Liang had established its capital in Jinling, and the Southern Tang was no more.

Zhou Yuanyi was titled the Marquis of Gongjing, and Tuoba Lu bestowed the Lin Family estate upon him to serve as his marquisate.

Tuoba Lu knew exactly how to twist the knife. He knew what I hated most, yet he insisted on torturing me this way.

When the child was four months old, I left the Beiliang Military Camp by the imperial decree of Tuoba Lu’s mother.

I was also conferred the title of Zhaoyi, a rank second only to the Empress, making me the first Han consort since the founding of Northern Liang.

Northern Liang also announced to the world that I was a daughter of the Lin Family and that I would enjoy endless wealth and honor.

I knew this was a tactic to win over the people; governing a country is several times harder than flattening one.

However, this also effectively framed the Pei and Lin Families for colluding with the enemy. Otherwise, how could a weak woman like me travel thousands of miles to Northern Liang, become Tuoba Lu’s favored concubine, and become the most prominent Han consort in the world?

The day the imperial decree of my investiture arrived, I tried to run outside with all my might. The palace attendants held me back firmly, and I gripped the doorframe so hard I wouldn’t let go. My fingernails cracked and broke one by one, yet I felt no pain.

I bowed repeatedly toward the palace where Tuoba Lu resided, begging for mercy: “Your Majesty, please don’t do this to me. I beg of you, I was wrong, I was wrong…”

“I won’t ever do it again. I’ll do whatever you want.”

“Don’t do this to me, please… I beg you… don’t do this to me.”

I pleaded over and over, but no one answered me.

The eunuch delivering the decree forced the scroll into my hands. “Consort Lin, accept the Emperor’s grace.”

I knelt on the ground, filled with regret. I shouldn’t have left Tuoba Lu.

If I had just crawled at his side and obeyed him submissively, would things have ended differently?

Later, the Empress Dowager came.

“Consort Lin, take good care of your health and give birth to the child. This is the Emperor’s firstborn; your blessings lie ahead of you,” the Empress Dowager said to me kindly.

I looked at this woman who had finally achieved her ambitions and thought she had likely forgotten that this child was induced by the medicine she gave me. It was unlikely the child would ever be born.

The people serving me were all girls from the Southern Tang, and they kept a close watch on me.

They said that if even the slightest accident befell me, nine generations of their families would suffer.

Looking at their terrified, youthful faces, I felt as if I were seeing my former self.

I could neither live nor die.

The days passed one by one, marked by the rising and setting of the sun.

I just felt listless.

I used to be filled with such hatred, but now that hatred seemed to have vanished.

Even Father, Mother, my eldest sister, and Chenglu stopped appearing in my dreams.

Sometimes I thought I heard someone calling my name, but when I turned around, there was only the wind blowing through the corridor.

Instead, I often dreamed of that man in the darkness.

I dreamed he was standing beside me, reaching out to touch my face.

I tried desperately to hide from him, telling him not to come near.

When I woke up startled from those dreams, there was no one by the bed, only the tears of terror wetting my face.

I could not leave Changan Palace, and Tuoba Lu never came.

Feng Yu’er did come once, but she only stood outside the hall, watching me quietly.

I wished she would threaten me as bluntly as she used to, rather than being so inscrutable now.

She was the Empress now, living in Huayang Palace where my eldest sister used to live. I heard her twins were left in the north and were not brought to be raised by her side.

“Your Majesty the Empress, please come in and sit,” I greeted her, supporting my belly.

But she stepped back, step after step…

Until she disappeared behind the palace gates.

I wondered if I had become ugly during my pregnancy and frightened her.

Yet in the mirror, I looked radiant and healthy, my face like a peach blossom, even more beautiful than before. Why was she so afraid?