chapter 4

2024-5-2 to 2024-5-8

First Episode (Part 2).

[By the time you see this video, I will already be gone.]

“Half a year before my divorce, I was diagnosed with cancer. Back then, it was just one type. The doctor told me that as long as I cooperated with the treatment, there was still hope for survival.

“Later, I realized that most doctors are kind-hearted, but sometimes they like to lie.

“I asked my childhood friend to act with me, just so I could get rid of Lu Xiao faster.

“Don’t be fooled by the fact that he’s the president of a corporate group, always decisive and efficient. But when it comes to me, he’s very stubborn.”

I didn’t say anything more after that-everyone knows what I mean.

Xiao Qin, with a tearful face, continued to ask me, “Sister, why didn’t you tell him the truth about your illness?”

“The process of dying is painful. Why drag someone else down with you?”

Suddenly, Xiao Qin said, “There’s been news lately-heard that President Lu has a new girlfriend.”

“Really? Then I truly wish him well,” I said sincerely. “He deserves better.”

I endured the nausea from the bumpy journey.

“I really wasn’t acting here. It’s just that when you’re about to die, nothing really matters anymore.

“I once joked with Lu Xiao that if he ever found another woman, I’d break his legs. But look, in the end, I let go so easily, didn’t I?”

At this moment, the guide suddenly said, “We’ll rest tonight, but the rest of the journey will be on foot. The whole route is 52 kilometers. But let me warn you, the altitude here is very high. It’s said to be 52 kilometers, but in reality, it’s much more than that.”

On the first day of the pilgrimage, our destination was Zhire Temple.

There, you can see the Sunlit Golden Mountain.

“I suddenly feel that, for my own selfish reasons, making you risk your life to hike with me is unfair to you.”

But Xiao Qin shook her head. “Sister Zhu Yuan, I know my own body. If I can’t keep going, I won’t force myself. Besides, you said you’ve been planning this for months, and even the supplies are all well prepared.”

Fortunately, neither of us had any symptoms of altitude sickness.

We were lucky, too.

The day after staying overnight at Zhire Temple, I saw the Sunlit Golden Mountain.

I imitated the poses I saw online, spreading my arms for a photo.

I shouted, “If possible, I hope you all can forget me.”

After thinking for a moment, I shouted again, “Lu Xiao, I came here for you. You don’t have to come anymore.”

Along the way, we encountered many devout Tibetans prostrating and praying.

We experienced hail.

The food was poor.

We slept on uncomfortable, shabby beds.

It took three days to complete the pilgrimage hike.

I spoke to the camera to sum up this episode.

“What I didn’t tell you is that, at first, I planned this trip to come here with Lu Xiao. Later, I decided to come alone. I once thought about coming here to end my life.”

Xiao Qin was so frightened she grabbed my hand.

I patted her hand and continued.

“At that time, I thought, since I couldn’t be cured, I’d just die in a lake, on a snowy mountain, or somewhere along the journey.

“But later, I suddenly didn’t want to die anymore. I wanted to live well in my final days, so that I wouldn’t have any regrets in this life.”

Suddenly, Xiao Qin asked me again, “Any regrets about the first episode’s journey?”

I nodded, just thinking about it made me a little scared.

“My parents doted on me, but I lied to them. I didn’t tell them about my illness.

“I even lied that I was filming again, that I went to Tibet for a shoot.

“I’m sorry, I was wrong. In the end, I was unfilial.”