chapter 12

That farce made Mother afraid of Sister-in-law. Rarely did she wield her authority as the matriarch and punished Sister-in-law by making her stay in her courtyard to reflect on her actions.

Brother thought Sister-in-law was still the same jealous woman who would fight for him, so he felt at ease, ready to keep her under his thumb.

Sister-in-law’s courtyard suddenly became quiet, leaving only me, braving wind and rain, to learn bookkeeping from her.

She taught me with great care, as if wanting to impart everything she had planned to teach over five or ten years all at once.

Sometimes she would stroke my head and say, “Our Ruyi is a good girl. If one day your brother proves useless, you must hold up this family and give Mother a peaceful old age.”

I lowered my head and asked her, “Don’t you dislike Mother? She helped Brother take a concubine. And me-I’m Brother’s sister too.”

Sister-in-law shook her head, “No, I don’t dislike her. The one I made promises with isn’t Mother. These three years, she’s never treated me unfairly. When it’s cold, she worries about my clothes; when I’m hungry, she worries about my meals. Even in the hardest year for our family, she saved on her own winter clothes but never withheld the bowl of brown sugar water for my menstrual pains. Mother is just… different from me, that’s all.”

As she spoke, she poked my cheek again, “As for our Ruyi, even when you quarrel with Mother, you still protect me. Such a lovely girl-who could dislike you?”

She was smiling, but I knew she was slowly saying goodbye to us.

I wanted to pretend I didn’t know, but tears fell uncontrollably. I hugged her and said, “Sister-in-law, you must take care of yourself. Even if you go somewhere else, you must live better than anyone.”

Sister-in-law looked at me in surprise, then quickly relaxed and said, “Our Ruyi is so clever, you know what Sister-in-law is planning. Thank you for not telling Brother what you’ve guessed.”

Having spoken openly, I did something I’d always wanted to do-I touched Sister-in-law’s chest and asked, “Sister-in-law, did it hurt here the day Yaoniang arrived?”

She replied calmly, “It hurt, it hurt so much I thought I’d die. When I met your brother, he was a good man. Otherwise, I’m not foolish-I devoted myself to him and this family for three years.

I loved him completely, without reservation, and I believe he loved me just as much. Even now, if I really said I’d divorce him if he took a concubine, in his struggle, he would surely send Yaoniang away.

If it were another woman, she might think her husband still cared for her, and life would just go on.

But I’ve seen what true love through life and death looks like. Though my mother passed early, my father never stopped loving her for a single day.

Before he left, Father told me: If one day your brother betrays me, don’t dwell on how good he once was to me. That doesn’t matter. What matters is, from the moment he betrays me, he’ll keep betraying me. If you can’t let go of the past, you’ll lose your future too.

He made me promise never to be the kind of woman who can’t pick up or put down.

Your brother truly can’t let go of me, and he truly can’t let go of Yaoniang. Life is so long-I don’t want to spend every day calculating whether Yaoniang’s place will surpass mine.

That would be too pitiful.

If he truly loved me, he wouldn’t let me suffer such torment. Once I understood this, my heart stopped hurting.

Ruyi, remember this well. When you meet someone in the future, either don’t seek love, or seek it wholly. Don’t wear yourself out comparing yourself to other women. Let go of those who aren’t worth it-there will always be someone truly worthy waiting for you.”