Chapter 4

Chapter 4

But I was not my mother, after all.

I refused to see Wang Jie again and became indifferent toward the wedding. My father, not wanting the Wang Family to notice any flaws, made many excuses to the outside world, but he eventually lost his patience with me.

Xidai did come to see me once.

However, I kept my doors closed and refused to receive her.

“I know Elder Sister does not like me.” She didn’t leave; instead, she spoke softly through the closed window. “I only hope that if Elder Sister is angry, she will take it out on me and not make things difficult for my mother.”

“I am willing to atone for my mother’s sins.”

My wet nurse, disgusted by her pathetic act, said harshly, “We don’t need that. Get lost!”

Xidai was obedient. “Fine, I won’t disturb Elder Sister.”

But before she left, she left behind a garment she had made herself. “I made this for Elder Sister. I hope Elder Sister likes it.”

The peonies she embroidered were lifelike.

They were so beautiful that even my wet nurse couldn’t call them crude. But as I stared at them, those layers of overlapping petals seemed to take on a life of their own, like vines beginning to entwine around me.

I leaned over, suddenly losing all strength in my body.

Seeing this, my wet nurse took me into her arms, tears falling.

“What are we to do? My lady’s life is too bitter.”

I pressed my face against her bodice and shook my head.

“There will be a way.”

Fortunately, the wedding date was still far off; there was still time to plan slowly.

A few days later, it was my maternal grandfather’s birthday, and I went out.

Grandfather preferred peace and quiet.

For the midday meal, it was just the two of us, grandfather and granddaughter, served with green vegetables and plain porridge.

Halfway through the meal, a servant announced that Young Master Wang had come to visit.

I kept my eyes down, toyed with my chopsticks, and did not respond.

Seeing this, Grandfather said, “Tell Young Master Wang that I thank him for coming to pay his respects, but I am tired today and will not see him.”

After the servant left and returned, he was holding a gift box.

Grandfather ordered it to be put away.

“Aren’t you going to ask me?” I couldn’t help but look up.

Grandfather said, “In the past, I did many things I thought were for your mother’s good, and I taught her many correct principles, but she did not have a good end.”

“Ah Tao, now I only wish for you to be happy.”

Grandfather had doted on my mother. After she passed away from illness, he resigned from his official post and moved to the mountains to become a Taoist priest.

“If the Wang Family is not good, you can change to someone else.”

But who could I change to? The Wang Family was already at the top; in all the world, one could no longer find a house that matched the status of my Li Clan.

“If there is no one suitable, you can also practice Taoism with me.”

Grandfather pointed to the mountain range in the distance. “The Eldest Princess of the Late Emperor has also remained unmarried her entire life. If you have time, you can go see the Princess Royal.”

I was slightly dazed. I hadn’t expected Grandfather to allow me to break the engagement. It was because of my mother’s fate that he felt so much grief and took pity on me.

“However, this engagement cannot be broken by you.”

Grandfather looked at the gifts Wang Jie had sent. “He was the one who was overstepping and disrespectful first. Ah Tao, if you want to let go, you must be decisive.”

“You must never be indecisive like your mother again.”

I understood his meaning.

One seeks change, and one seeks retreat. If I were to break the engagement, I had to find a piece of high ground to stand on.

“I understand.”