Chapter 35
The situation in the Capital is ever-changing.
Chao Jianan somehow angered His Majesty and, after being caned, returned to his mansion to recuperate.
I no longer have the energy to inquire about such things.
My days are numbered.
Only my Aunt is still weeping and chanting scriptures at my bedside.
She must have listened to some eminent monk from a temple, and now she chants prayers by my ear every day, seeking blessings and driving away evil spirits.
I feel sorry for her.
But that’s how the world is-partings by life and death, not a single bit within our control.
I wish I could stay with her, care for her in her old age, and see her off at the end.
But I carry a deep blood feud; whenever I close my eyes, all I see is a town strewn with corpses, everything dyed red.
I vaguely sense that I am nearing my end.
Perhaps a long time has passed.
It seems everyone knows I am not long for this world.
Even Miss Du came to see me.
I said to her, “See, death is such an easy thing. Compared to that, your little matters of love are nothing. Why must it be the Second Young Master? Find a good family and live a proper life. The simple meals may not compare to delicacies, but they are the most solid bowl of rice in this world.”
Late at night, when no one else was around, the Second Young Master came. He kissed my forehead, stroked my face-his fingertips were very cold.
He seemed to have cried. He said, “Xiao Chun, get better. I’ll let you go, you can go find your Brother-in-law.”
What nonsense is he talking about? Why would I go find him?
“I know you both came from Qingshi Town. He hasn’t changed. He just wants you to let go of the past and live well.”
He hasn’t changed?
“He’s just like you. From the beginning, entering the Capital was for revenge. He only chose a different path and didn’t want you involved anymore, because he knows it could cost your life. You’ve suffered enough.”
Ha? A different path?
Is it submitting to the Imperial Court, approaching His Majesty, relying on imperial power to bring down the Loyal and Brave Marquis, and punish the Guodao Army?
Chao San, oh Chao San, you really are foolish.
He truly was foolish. At the royal ancestral worship ceremony, with the three armies arrayed and all civil and military officials present, he submitted a memorial accusing the Loyal and Brave Marquis, exposing the truth about the Guodao Army.
Actually, it wasn’t really foolish.
Once, I wanted to do the same thing at the execution ground.
He was more capable than I, but what did it matter? He failed all the same.
His Majesty rebuked him for slandering loyal subjects. The Loyal and Brave Marquis was a founding hero, the Heir is now missing, the Marquis is exhausted and heartbroken, and yet he dared to frame him.
As for the memorial, His Majesty didn’t even look at it, just tossed it straight into the sacrificial fire.
He angered His Majesty, was caned, and was no longer Colonel Chao.
But after he recovered, he came again to the Censor’s Mansion.
He said, “Xiao Chun, why are you so stubborn? Silly girl.”
I struggled to open my eyes and look at him.
He seemed rougher now, a layer of stubble on his chin, looking very weathered.
But he was still a very handsome man.
He had a dignified appearance, always the most outstanding man in Qingshi Town.
I reached out my hand to him, and he understood, grasping it.
How wonderful-his hand was warm, completely enveloping mine.
“Chao Jianan, live well.”
He smiled, “That’s not what you said before. You said we still have something very important to do.”
I had no strength left, couldn’t joke with him.
I was so very tired.
“Forget it. I know you’ve done your best. Let’s stop here, shall we?”
“No. If I’d known you’d fall ill from grief, I should have told you from the start. No.”
“But he won’t admit it.”
“Then force him to admit it.”
“You’ll die.”
“I’m not afraid. On Yellow Springs Road, I can still protect you.”
Chao Jianan gripped my hand tightly, pulled me up in one swift motion, turned his back to me and crouched down, signaling for me to climb onto his back.
“What are you doing?”
“Taking you out for a walk.”
He tore down the bed curtains, wrapped me around his back several times, tying me securely.
I felt like an octopus, bound tightly to him, unable to move at all.
He really did laugh at me, “You’re so light now, like an octopus. The food at the Censor’s Mansion is terrible. We’re not staying here any longer.”