Chapter 32

I stayed at the Censor’s Mansion.

Chao Jianan could have taken me away with him, but he did not.

That day, I was both angry and ashamed. I said to him, “Do you really think I want to marry Zhang Yunhuai? Chao San, there is still something important we haven’t done.”

“It’s already over. From now on, just live your life well.”

“What do you mean?”

My heart turned cold. As expected, I heard him say, “Let it end here. We’ve already done our best. It’s time to let go of the past and live for ourselves.”

I understood.

Chao Jianan was no longer the Chao San of four years ago.

What I feared most had finally happened.

Four years ago, when Qingshi Town was massacred, I knew it wasn’t his fault, but faced with the corpses strewn everywhere, I still insisted on asking him-

Why didn’t you protect Qingshi Town?

My father said he was a man of deep feeling, but he had long been an orphan with no parents. I was so afraid he would just let it go, unwilling to avenge the townsfolk of Qingshi Town.

I had to remind him that he had taken our tribute money, yet failed to protect our town. He bore responsibility.

See, I, Sun Yunchun, have never been a good person.

So I shouted at him, unable to contain my rage: “What do you mean, we’ve done our best? You were the one who said you’d take care of the revenge, told me to wait obediently in the Capital for your news. The enemy still sleeps soundly, and you say it’s over?”

“Xiao Chun, I’ve died more than once.”

His voice was calm, so calm that it instantly soothed my anger, striking straight to my heart and leaving me defenseless.

“You don’t know the situation in Kaizhou, nor do you know what Heiling truly is. You’ve only heard of Master Lai, but you don’t know Lai Wengeng. I kept my promise and killed him-was that not enough?”

“Revenge is never that easy. I survived mountains of corpses and seas of blood, saw the bandits of Heiling as numerous as trees in a forest-it was a living hell. I was too arrogant before. With the little ability I had back then, it was only by luck that I managed to protect Qingshi Town.”

“I know what you’ve been through in the Capital, Xiao Chun. We’ve both done our best. It’s hard enough just to stay alive, so let it go.”

The one who couldn’t let go was Chao San of Qingshi Town; the one who did was Colonel Chao of the Capital.

Indeed, he is now a rising star of the Imperial Court, favored by the Son of Heaven. He will have a brighter, more open career, rising high, enjoying wealth and honor.

Indeed, how could revenge be so easy? He already stands above it all; the darkness in the earth has become blurred and no longer matters.

It’s just that I once thought he was the same as me.

I thought we were always alike, meant to take root and rise together.

I was wrong. There are always surprises in life. He has already broken free from the roots that entangled him, becoming a tile on the flying eaves.

This year, after all, will pass.

I fell seriously ill.

Later, I heard that when Chao Jianan entered the Capital, he brought a woman with him.

That woman was named Qiongniang, and she was his woman.

I think she must have another name: Cao Qionghua.

What a coincidence, I knew her younger brother-his name was Cao Dapang.

Now, they have all let go.

I suppose I should let go as well.