Chapter 4
On the day I started high school, my younger sister Bai Xue happened to be undergoing her second surgery.
My parents were busy at the hospital, so I handled the enrollment procedures by myself.
Watching the parents at the school gate reluctantly parting with their children, I began to feel dazed, my vision gradually blurring.
When I came back to my senses, I realized that tears had already soaked my cheeks.
I slapped myself, telling myself I had to be strong, that I just needed to hold on a little longer.
But misfortune simply refused to let our family go.
After the surgery, Bai Xue showed no improvement at all-she couldn’t even speak clearly anymore.
I could never again hear her fairy-like, beautiful singing voice.
My father demanded an explanation from the hospital, but all he got was a perfunctory reply: “No one ever guaranteed a cure.”
All procedures were compliant, and the hospital bore no responsibility.
Unable to pay the hospital fees, Bai Xue was forced to be discharged.
Our original house had already been sold, and we were renting a dilapidated, abandoned house.
After a series of blows, my father’s hair turned white overnight, and my mother fell seriously ill.
But still, none of us bowed our heads to hardship.
When Bai Xue had an episode, we tied her up with ropes, waiting until she came to her senses before untying her.
We began to try to accept and adapt to this kind of life.
When Bai Xue was awake, she was always well-behaved. She loved listening to me tell her fairy tales and never complained about us taking away her freedom.
I often wondered: why did heaven have to torment such an angelic and beautiful girl?
The new house we rented was small, with only two bedrooms, so I shared a room with Bai Xue.
Her hands and feet were tied for long periods, leaving deep red marks. My heart ached for her, and at night I always held her as we fell asleep.
It was as if we had gone back to childhood, the two of us squeezing onto one bed, close as ever.
Life was bitter, but once we got used to it, we gradually found a hint of sweetness.
Until one rainy night during my senior year winter break, an accident happened.
I woke up in the middle of the night and found the space beside me empty.
Turning around, I saw Bai Xue standing stiffly at the head of the bed, staring at me with unblinking eyes.
At some point, she had broken free of the ropes.
“Xiao Xue?” I called to her softly and tried to touch her, only to realize she was holding a kitchen knife in her hand.
The blade glinted coldly in the darkness and swung toward me in a flash.
I instinctively screamed, and before I knew it, hot, sticky blood was spurting out and blurring my vision. The knife had struck my head, but because I dodged just in time, it wasn’t fatal-had I not moved, I might have died on the spot.
“Sis… sis…” Bai Xue suddenly regained her senses, calling out to me in a stuttering voice, her eyes filled with terror.
The pain left me unable to make a sound, unable to respond in any way.
When my parents rushed into our room, they saw Bai Xue jumping out the window.
Unable to accept the fact that she had hurt me, she tried to take her own life.
We were both taken to the hospital. I received 18 stitches in my head, and to this day, the scar is still hidden beneath my hair, fierce and terrifying.
My sister suffered multiple injuries from the fall, but fortunately, they weren’t severe.
Our room was on the second floor, and the house was short, so the distance to the ground wasn’t great. The muddy road, thanks to the rain, softened her fall.
So her life was saved.
Because Bai Xue could lose control at any time, and as she grew older her destructive power became greater, the villagers worried she might hurt someone and suggested we send her to a mental hospital.
But we had no money, and besides, we couldn’t bear to leave her alone in such a place.
With no other choice, my parents replaced the rope with an iron chain and kept her locked in the room day and night.
Not wanting to burden my family further, I volunteered to continue sharing a room with Bai Xue so I could take care of her at night.
In truth, every time I turned off the lights and the darkness closed in, the sound of the iron chain rattling would make me tremble uncontrollably.
I was so afraid, but I couldn’t tell my parents.
Since then, I never slept well again.
But even at that time, I never once thought of wanting Bai Xue to die.