Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Over the weekend, my father arranged a meeting with Teacher Lu. Ostensibly, it was to discuss my academic progress, but the real goal was to feel out each other’s family situations under that pretext. That way, even if things didn’t work out, it wouldn’t be too awkward.

Teacher Lu was very sincere and told him the truth about Chen Zhen’s condition.

My father didn’t stay silent for long. He offered a few polite words of concern, but after that, his tone became much more restrained.

By the time they parted ways, the conversation still hadn’t moved past the topic of my studies, and no follow-up meeting was scheduled.

They both understood what that meant.

When my father came home, he didn’t mention the matter at all. I spent half the day in an anxious state before I finally couldn’t hold it in any longer.

During dinner, I said casually, “I learned how to make this dish from Teacher Lu. She’s a great cook. It would be nice if she were my mother.”

My father didn’t even stop to think. “Lu Xiaoyun? Impossible.”

He told me that it’s very difficult for a divorced woman with a child to remarry, let alone when that child is sick. If Teacher Lu were single and unburdened, things would be much simpler.

Then he added, “That’s also the reason your mother didn’t want you.”

Those words cut deep.

I stood up in a rage and snapped, “You have no right to look down on Teacher Lu! If anything, she should be the one looking down on you! You’re the one who cheated and dragged me into this!”

I ran into my room crying and slammed the door.

But no matter how much I tried to talk myself down, my father’s final words kept echoing in my ears.

My mind was filled with thoughts of my mother. Even now, many years later, even though I’ve let go of my obsession with my Biological Mother, I still struggle with the pain of being motherless.

To her, I was nothing more than a burden.

I didn’t understand. Why was I a burden, but Chen Zhen wasn’t?

Why did everyone say I was a good kid, yet I was still unwanted?

But no matter how angry or resentful I felt, I couldn’t change the facts.

Teacher Lu really was a good person; she had sacrificed so much for Chen Zhen. Whether out of love or a sense of duty, she hadn’t abandoned her.

If she had abandoned Chen Zhen-if she had been as heartless as my own Biological Mother-I wouldn’t have wanted her to be my mother anyway. It was precisely because I saw how well she cared for Chen Zhen that I liked her so much.

But because Teacher Lu wouldn’t abandon Chen Zhen, my father wouldn’t accept her, and she could never be my mother. It was a complete catch-22.

That night, I tossed and turned in bed, falling into a state of confusion once again.

How was I supposed to face Teacher Lu and Chen Zhen tomorrow? Should I keep trying to win them over?

But what was the point?

The reality of the situation was right there. No matter how much effort I put in, they would never get married. It was all a waste of time.

My father was a decisive man; once he made up his mind, he wouldn’t change it.

And Teacher Lu wasn’t so beautiful that she would make him lose his reason.

Lost in these messy thoughts, I eventually drifted into a fitful sleep.

In my dream, I was back at the office window, peeking inside.

After scolding and hitting Chen Zhen, Teacher Lu was overcome with guilt, holding her and weeping. Chen Zhen, however, remained expressionless.

Then, her eyes shifted mechanically, her gaze landing on me outside the window. Her mouth pulled back, and a cold, dark smile appeared on her pale face.

I wanted to run, but I was frozen to the spot. I watched as her smile grew wider and wider, becoming more and more distorted…

I jerked awake, drenched in a cold sweat.

That night, as I sat in the darkness, a thought suddenly flashed through my mind.

If only Chen Zhen would disappear. Then Teacher Lu could be free.

If only Chen Zhen were dead.

I shook my head violently, trying to banish the horrific thought.

But I didn’t sleep for the rest of the night.