chapter 27
Yan Ci lay down, resting his head on my lap, fiddling with the tassel I had tied to the axe handle:
“Back then, Empress Jing set up a tea gathering, inviting my mother and me to meet with her and her son at Minghe Pavilion to enjoy tea and flowers.”
“Empress Jing dismissed the palace maids and poured the tea herself, drinking the first cup to prove there was nothing wrong with the tea.”
“Yan Qing pricked his hand picking roses and started crying incessantly. Empress Jing turned to check on him. At that moment, a flying insect landed in her cup.”
“My Imperial Consort, out of kindness, picked out the insect and switched the cups. Little did she know, Empress Jing had smeared poison on the rim.”
“The clever outwitted herself-Empress Jing died by her own poison. But Yan Qing wouldn’t let it go, insisting it was my Imperial Consort who poisoned her.”
“Father King wanted to grant my Imperial Consort poisoned wine. I argued with reason, pleading her case. Guess what happened next?”
I gestured: “Your Highness is the son of the suspect. No matter how reasonable your words, it would seem you were protecting your own. The Emperor did not believe you, only the Crown Prince.”
“Actually, no.” Yan Ci smiled. “I knelt and kowtowed around Yan Palace, to prove to Father King that I was telling the truth.”
“My kneecaps were scraped raw, I couldn’t walk, so I had to drag myself along the ground with my hands, worse than a pig or a dog. Father King finally believed me and released my Imperial Consort from the Cold Palace. But at the crucial moment, my Imperial Consort confessed to Father King that she was the one who poisoned Empress Jing.”
Why? My hands reacted before my mind, my fingers flying as I gestured quickly: “Because Madam felt guilty toward the Crown Prince?”
“Yes.” Yan Ci sneered. “She got what she wanted, but I became an accomplice and a liar.”
“Look at her-neither truly good nor truly evil, wanting to have a clear conscience yet also to survive in this world, wanting everything.”
“For her conscience, she made a sacrifice,” Yan Ci said. “That is… sacrificing me…”
Yan Ci desired power, but Madam held him back at every turn. At that time, Yan Qing set a trap, sending a defenseless page boy to spy on Yan Ci. Yan Ci saw through his intentions to lure him into murder, but still killed the page boy.
Perhaps he intended to push the blame onto me, but I seemed more useful than Madam. So he took a different approach, staging this grand drama. Matricide and framing, biting back at Yan Qing’s throat, leaving Yan Qing unable to defend himself, suffering bitterly.
Yan Ci’s burning tears dripped onto the hollow of my neck. He lowered his head, inhaling the scent of osmanthus oil at my temples, and whispered, “Don’t use it anymore.”
When he came of age, Yan Ci was to depart for his fief. While selecting servants, he chose me.
The night before my departure, Yintao cried so much her eyes were swollen like walnuts.
I sat in the room, watching her sob and blow her nose, my fingers flying: “You shouldn’t be called Yintao anymore, you should be called Walnut.”
She still didn’t understand, only sobbing, “I know, I can’t bear to part with you either.”
I whimpered along with her, then hugged her tightly. Neither of us spoke, just waiting for dawn.
Later, I got bored, so I raised my hand and pointed at myself: “Do you want to count my eyelashes?”
Yintao broke into a smile through her tears, lying on the couch with her face up, then quickly sat up again. She said, “Alright, let’s count.”
Unfortunately, before we finished, dawn broke. Sunlight streamed through the lattice window, spreading across the purple floral quilt.
I left Yan Palace, sitting in the carriage. I lifted the curtain and looked back-Yan Palace loomed like a giant beast, seeing me off.
Yandu. I lowered the curtain, thinking to myself: Someday, this giant beast will crawl at my feet.
I closed my eyes to rest. The carriage rocked, and the tassel tied to my axe handle trembled behind me, swaying for a long time before it stilled.