Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Elder Brother owed gambling debts and was hauled off to a basement, tied up, and beaten.

Because I was with him, I was violated as a matter of course.

The baby in my womb was only three months old.

When blood pooled across the floor, I actually felt a sense of relief-we were so poor that being born would have just been a life of suffering anyway. It even saved us the money for an abortion.

After they did what they did, it felt as though Elder Brother’s debts had been cleared.

That was 2004.

Half of my heart died that day; I felt filthy from the inside out.

I kept what happened from Elder Brother, not daring to say a word.

Times have changed now, and no one would point fingers at me, but I know that something stayed behind in that year forever.

The baby was gone, and I couldn’t keep that a secret.

So I waited until my next period and intentionally picked a fight with him.

I goaded him into pushing me, then let myself tumble down the stairs, wailing that the baby was gone.

I had a sordid motive: by shifting the blame onto him, I hoped his guilt would make him love me a little more.

But Elder Brother just stood at the top of the stairs, head bowed as he lit a cigarette.

Bluish-grey smoke drifted slowly from his nostrils, masking his face like a shroud of mist.

He just watched as I rolled down.

A hollow ache opened in my heart.

Why… didn’t he even come to comfort me?