Chapter 4

When I woke up again, Xiaotao was wiping her tears and rolling an egg over my face, saying that Xiao Dezi had returned to the Crown Prince’s Mansion and I didn’t have to copy books anymore.

The few bright red palm prints on my face hadn’t faded, but compared to my face, my butt hurt even more.

I lay on the bed, thinking of my mother, wondering why she gave birth to me, why she let me suffer like this. I hated her so much.

The moon had risen, and I still couldn’t fall asleep.

Liu Chaoming climbed in through my window, knocking over the candlestick on the table with his clumsy movements, making a loud noise.

Right after, I heard the rustling sound of him trying to set the candlestick upright. So clumsy.

“Qiuhe.” He lit the candlestick, hunched over and groped his way to my bedside.

Liu Chaoming’s filthy hand was just about to touch my face when I slapped it away, mocking him with a sarcastic tone: “Lecher, after reading so many books of sages, you sneak into a lady’s room at night-what a gentleman you are.”

“Qiuhe, you’ve been crying.” Liu Chaoming stood there, holding the candlestick, stunned.

I rarely shed tears in front of him. I wiped my tears and stubbornly said, “My butt hurts so much I can’t sleep. What’s wrong with crying?”

“Don’t cry.”

Liu Chaoming put the candlestick on the floor, carefully leaned in to wipe my tears, his voice unusually soft, coaxing me over and over: “Don’t cry, don’t cry.”

I glared at him through my tears and slapped his hand: “Who said you could touch me? Don’t you know men and women should keep their distance? I’m going to be an Official’s Wife in the future, I won’t have secret dealings with the steward’s son. I’m not a good person, so stay away from me.”

The dim oil lamp cast a warm golden glow over his fair face. He looked at me as if making an important decision, gently stroked my hair, his voice choked: “Wait for me a little longer. When I become a Jinshi, I’ll ask the Grand Tutor to marry you to me.”

“Who wants to marry you?” I let go of his hand: “Only if you pass the Jinshi exam will I even consider you. Otherwise, I’d rather be a rich man’s concubine, or go to a temple and become a Nun, but I won’t marry you.”

I heard Liu Chaoming laugh. The flickering candlelight danced at the corner of his eyes, like fluttering butterflies.

He took out a Plum Blossom Hairpin from his chest and tucked it into my hair: “Next March, at the Spring Examination, I’ll definitely come out on top.”

Instinctively, I wanted to pull out the hairpin and throw it away. I did pull it out, but couldn’t bring myself to toss it to the floor.

It wasn’t easy for Steward Liu to support his studies, and who knows how long Liu Chaoming had saved up to buy me this hairpin.

Thinking of this, my hand reached out, but in the end I turned away and hid the hairpin under my pillow.

Seeing my awkward movements, Liu Chaoming laughed again, looking at me with delight, turning my face to gently wipe away my tears.

He told me to protect myself, not to go against Zhang Jincan, otherwise I’d be the only one to suffer.

Tears streamed down my face. I buried myself in the pillow and sobbed: “Tell me, why does my father never care about me? Would he even look at me if I died? Everyone says I’m a Concubine’s Daughter, that being tormented by Zhang Jincan is my fate, but why? Why can Zhang Jincan hit me and I can’t fight back? Why, why?”

“Qiuhe, this is fate, there’s no reason for it.” Liu Chaoming knelt by my bedside, gently stroking my back: “Qiuhe, just bear it for me, please? I don’t want to keep seeing you hurt all over. It’s already August, just endure eight more months, alright? After eight months, I’ll definitely pass the exam, and then I’ll take you away from here.”

It was the sweetest love confession I’d ever heard. I raised my tearful eyes and said: “Then you must study hard. I’ll try to cause less trouble for your sake, and wait obediently for you to pass the exam. You mustn’t let me down.”

Many years later, when I looked back on these memories, I realized how ridiculous I had been.

I handed my entire future over to a man, passively waiting for him to save me.

That was foolish beyond measure.