Chapter 32

I thought I would be calm when I saw him again.

But the moment I saw him, all my anger exploded, like water poured into boiling oil.

Yin Jiuqing stood in front of my Courtyard, lips pressed tight, saying nothing.

“Your Highness the Crown Prince, what brings your noble feet to such a humble place?”

“Qiuhe, things are not as you think-”

“Then tell me, how are they? Tell me, what are they really like?”

He looked at me with eyes that were almost pleading, his lips moved but no words came. At last, he changed the subject in a low voice: “Imperial Elder Brother has many wives and concubines, he is not a good match…”

I let out a cold, mocking laugh: “You say Prince An has many wives and concubines. Your Highness the Crown Prince, do you really think you’ll have fewer than him in the future? If he’s not a good match, are you?”

“You can’t just hand over your whole life out of hatred for me. Do you even know Imperial Elder Brother…”

He still couldn’t stop lecturing me. He was always like this.

“Yes, I should wait for you, hope for you, wait for you to let me trade my child’s life for the position of Crown Prince’s Side Consort. I shouldn’t have held onto hope, foolishly waiting for you to send someone to tell me you’d allow me to keep the child when you ignored me. And now, I shouldn’t glare at you with resentment-I should be crying and begging to become your Crown Prince’s Side Consort.”

Two lines of tears slid down my cheeks: “Yin Jiuqing, you killed my child, and only appeared nearly ten days later, speaking in grand, dignified words, not mentioning my child at all. Is he really so shameful for you?”

“Qiuhe.” He grabbed my wrist, but I shook him off with force.

“Don’t touch me.”

Yin Jiuqing seized the moment to pull me into his arms, his voice trembling as he spoke: “Qiuhe, don’t be like this. We’ll have another child.”

“Are you dreaming?” I broke free from him abruptly, sneering: “My wedding is on October twelfth. I am to be Prince An’s Side Consort, and you are the lofty Crown Prince. Stop dreaming such foolish dreams.”

I laughed at myself: “You’ve always looked down on me, thinking I’m shameless and scheming, that I’m cheap and delusional. Little did I know, daydreams taken too far do bring their own punishment.”

“Qiuhe, listen to me-” Yin Jiuqing forced the words out from his throat.

“Fine, I’ll listen to your explanation. Go ahead.”

Yin Jiuqing looked at me, unable to utter a word for a long time. Finally, he said with difficulty, “I will make it up to you.”

“Very well, I want to be Crown Princess. I want to be Empress.”

“Qiuhe…” Yin Jiuqing lowered his head. “I’m sorry.”

I fetched the blood-stained old clothes from the house and handed them to him, curling my lips: “I’m giving you these. After all, you are his father. You should see him with your own eyes.”

My heart ached with every beat. Looking at the large brown bloodstains on the old clothes, tears fell uncontrollably. I turned my head, stiffened my neck, and pretended to be tough and indifferent: “Losing a child is nothing, really. I should be grateful he never met a father as cold and heartless as you.”

He stood in my Courtyard for a long time, long enough for the moon to rise.

Then, at some point, he left.

See, that’s just how he is. He’s too stingy to even give me an explanation.

My child is dead, and I’m not even worth a single explanation.

What explanation do I want? The Empress made everything so clear. What am I still secretly hoping for?

Sometimes I really wonder, if he told me it wasn’t him, maybe I would consider believing it. But he said nothing, he never said anything.

He’s always been this kind of person. What am I even thinking?