Chapter 29
Another dozen days passed, and on the twenty-sixth of August, the Empress summoned me to the palace.
As soon as I arrived at the Phoenix Palace, the door behind me slammed shut. Several strong old matrons pinned me firmly to the ground.
The Empress sat upright on her phoenix throne, her sharp gaze sweeping over my face before landing on my belly. She said with disdain, “So I underestimated you. You managed to secretly conceive. Today, let’s put an end to this.”
A palace maid carefully approached, carrying a porcelain-white bowl of medicine. “The medicine is here-”
The Empress waved her hand, her crimson nail polish glaringly bright. “Make her drink it. Let the child suffer less.”
My heart tightened, panic surging instantly. My eyes were wary as I shook my head desperately. “No, what are you doing? I don’t want this.”
“I really can’t tell if you’re naïve or just foolish. Don’t you understand even now? If he hadn’t told me, how could I have known?”
Yes, even my father didn’t know, yet the Empress did.
But he’s not that kind of person. I shook my head and said, “No, unless he tells me himself, I won’t believe it.”
“Has he ever shown the slightest joy at becoming a father?”
My throat was so tight I couldn’t speak.
“Has he visited you often?”
My nose began to sting.
The Empress pressed on relentlessly: “Has he ever promised you, in his own words, that he would let you keep this child?”
Tears streamed down, falling one by one onto the carpet. After he learned I was pregnant, he was so angry. He never came to the Grand Tutor’s Mansion again, let alone made me any promises.
“The Crown Prince is upright and self-disciplined. He doesn’t even keep a single chamber maid by his side. He’s worked for years to become Your Highness the Crown Prince, supported by all the court officials. Do you think he would let you give birth to this child, letting the officials know that the heir they support is such a shameless man? During the selection, he had an illicit affair without a matchmaker. Would he be willing to admit that?”
“Perhaps he has some feelings for you, but ask yourself-are you more important to him than the world?”
Each question struck me like a heavy blow, pounding my already battered heart.
Yes, he always looked down on me. He never wanted my child.
Seeing my expression, the Empress smiled gently and continued, “He left for Shunping on official business five days ago. Didn’t he tell you?”
“The Crown Prince couldn’t bear to do it himself, so before he left, he entrusted me to settle this matter for him. As long as you drink this bowl of medicine, the position of Crown Prince’s Side Consort will be yours.” She stepped down from the phoenix throne, took out an imperial edict, and handed it to me. “You are also a member of the Zhang Family. In the future, neither I nor the Crown Prince will treat you unfairly.”
I unfolded the bright yellow edict, reading it word by word several times. Tears fell in a steady stream, blurring several characters into small, dark smudges.
So that’s how it is. I am to trade my child’s life for the position of Crown Prince’s Side Consort. So that’s how it is.
A chill shot up my back. The words grew thorns, turning into broken sounds stuck in my throat. “I don’t want it. I don’t.”
I don’t want to be the Crown Prince’s Side Consort. I want my child.
I sprang to my feet and ran for the door.
“You refuse the toast, so you’ll have to drink the penalty!” The Empress, furious, waved her hand. The guards and matrons surged forward, surrounding me in a tight circle.
Two guards pinned me to the ground. An old matron gripped my face, pinched my throat, and roughly forced the medicine down. Instantly, bitterness spread through my throat.
The heat flowed all over my face, mixing with the medicinal liquid on my chin and seeping down into my neck.
I once thought that marrying the Crown Prince would mean no one would ever bully me again. I was utterly, ridiculously wrong.
“You must understand the Crown Prince. He cannot act as he wishes, either.”
The Empress said to the palace maid beside her, “Juying, take her back. Have her brother invite someone to teach her proper etiquette. She cannot behave like this in the future; it is truly unbecoming.”
Juying followed behind me to escort me out of the palace. Clutching the imperial decree, I suddenly started running down the palace road.
“Miss Zhang, wait for me! You can’t behave so recklessly in the palace,” Juying called softly behind me.
But I couldn’t control myself. I ran faster and faster, until, without noticing, my front foot tripped over the back, and I fell heavily to the ground. The imperial decree scattered all around me.
“Zhang Qiuhe, gentle and virtuous, of exceptional appearance and character. I am much pleased to hear of this. As the Crown Prince reaches marriageable age, a worthy woman must be chosen for him. Since Zhang Qiuhe remains unmarried in her boudoir, and is a match made in heaven for the Crown Prince, to perfect this union, I hereby betroth you to be the Crown Prince’s Side Consort…”
The decree in my hand was so ironic, so laughable. I gasped for air, cast the decree aside, and burst into uncontrollable sobs.
The pain in my abdomen grew worse and worse. Sweat poured down my cheeks. Clutching my belly, I rolled on the ground in agony. Instinctively, I reached down and touched beneath me. My palm and fingertips were coated in something warm and sticky, reeking of a strong, bloody scent, as if something was continuously seeping from my body.
That was my child’s life.
“Miss Zhang.” Juying, drenched in sweat, caught up to me. When she saw the scene before her, she let out a cry of shock, then hurriedly covered her mouth and moved to help me up: “People pass by here all the time-you can’t lie here, let me help you.”
“Zhuzhu?” A figure in pale blue drew closer. Yin Jiuyi crouched before me, lifting his sleeve to wipe the sweat from my brow. “What’s wrong? I’ll take you to the Imperial Medical Bureau.”
“Prince An, this isn’t proper, let the servant-” Before Juying could finish, she faltered under Yin Jiuyi’s piercing gaze.
“Prince, please, don’t take me there. If I go to the Imperial Medical Bureau, I won’t be able to get married.” I gasped through the pain, sweat streaming down my face. “I just took Abortion Medicine. It’s nothing serious.”
No sooner had I finished speaking than Yin Jiuyi scooped me up without hesitation, his elegant brows knitting tightly. “Taking Abortion Medicine can kill you. I’ll take you to the Imperial Medical Bureau first. If you can’t marry, then I’ll marry you myself.”
I shrank into his arms, afraid that my bloody state would stain his robes, though it was inevitable.
“Prince, I really can’t go to the Imperial Medical Bureau. Please, don’t take me there. I can’t go.” My consciousness began to blur. I forced myself to say, “If I go to the Imperial Medical Bureau, I won’t be able to stay in the Capital.”
“Alright.”
Upon hearing a satisfactory reply, I could hold on no longer and closed my eyes.
I had once looked forward so much, longed for this child’s arrival, hoped for a bit of happiness. It felt as though, with this child, my ordinary life could become a little brighter, and all the suffering I’d endured before would no longer matter.
In the darkness, I had once sincerely thanked the heavens for sending me a child, for making me less lonely, for ensuring I was no longer a pitiful soul whom no one loved.
But the blood pooling beneath me now made it painfully clear: the child was gone.
I did not deserve even a shred of happiness.