Chapter 22

Chapter 22

I am a woman of little ambition.

I married the Minister of Ceremonies, yet I am not the one he loves.

Though Wei Shi is only a concubine, she and my husband share years of history. Not only is their affection deep, but they have both a son and a daughter together.

I once thought of trying to win Cheng Wenting’s favor, if only to bear a child to secure my future.

But when the two of us were alone in a room, and I removed my undergarments to stand naked before him, the world suddenly began to spin.

The smirk playing on his lips, his casually open arms, and the way his eyes roved over me with amusement-it all made me feel faint.

Yes, as everyone says, I am overly sensitive.

My status depends on him, my body requires his fulfillment, and he is destined to be my entire world in this life.

Yet, when he leaned down to be intimate with me, I instinctively pulled away. In that moment, I realized that while my status and my body might need him, my heart did not.

My heart could choose not to need him.

This realization filled me with both terror and a strange sense of joy.

So Cheng Wenting didn’t like me? It didn’t matter; I didn’t have to keep a place for him in my heart either.

My body was a kite on a string, but did my heart have to be tethered as well?

A marriage without affection, where two people coupled merely for mutual interest and desire-how was that any different from a sordid affair?

I knew I should follow the Three Obediences, that I should use schemes to fight for his favor and consolidate my position. That would allow me to live well, enjoying a lifetime of luxury and prestige.

But to be his capital socialite, his virtuous lady, his mistress of the household…

I didn’t want it. I was unwilling.

So what if Cheng Wenting treated me with coldness and neglect?

Rather than being a pampered kite on a string, I would rather be a kite-a bird of prey-resting upon a branch.

Even if this bird was destined to be shackled by her status, trapped forever within these manor walls until she died of melancholy.

Even if she could never spread her wings and fly, eventually meeting a lonely end, at least she would have truly lived for a time.

From the moment I understood this, I decided to cast everything aside.

I believe no one understood my state of mind better than Chen Xi’er. That was why she, like me, stopped putting any effort into pleasing Cheng Wenting.

It was just as Chen Xi’er had said to the Wet Nurse:

“We don’t care how Wei Shi wins his favor, and how many children she bears has nothing to do with Madam. What the eye doesn’t see, the heart doesn’t grieve over. We’ll just close our doors and live our own lives. Madam is still the Madam regardless. As long as Wei Shi doesn’t provoke us, we’ll just let her be.”