Chapter 5

Chapter 5

On the day I finished renting my apartment in Haicheng, I invited the colleagues I usually work with over for a housewarming.

As our group walked out of the office chatting and laughing, there was a man standing outside who looked particularly conspicuous.

A colleague joked that there had never been such a handsome man in this building before.

I followed their gaze and saw Jiang Yu standing in the crowd.

I hadn’t seen him for about a month. Ever since we ended our long-distance relationship after graduating from university, we had never been apart for this long.

It had been long enough that I felt this was perfectly fine.

He walked straight toward me. The colleagues beside me glanced back and forth between us with gossipy eyes, and someone tactfully said, “It looks like Zhouzhou isn’t free for dinner tonight. Let’s get together another day instead.”

For the first time, I felt that people being too tactful wasn’t necessarily a good thing.

But Jiang Yu clearly didn’t think so; he even politely greeted my colleagues.

Once everyone had left, he stared at me for a long time before asking, “Xu Zhouzhou, why haven’t you come to find me to make up yet?”

At that moment, I felt all the strength drain from my body.

I had actually exhausted all my energy to nurture a lover so incapable of loving.

He had clearly chased me all the way here. He clearly could have apologized.

Yet, he insisted on asking me why I hadn’t gone to find him to make up.

Why should I be the one to find him?

Why should I be the one to seek reconciliation?

Why must it be me?

Why do we have to make up at all?

In a relationship, is one instance of bowing your head supposed to be traded for a lifetime of bowing your head?

But didn’t I love so hard, so desperately, just so I could receive respect and preference in return?

I finally let out a breath and said to him face-to-face, “Because I don’t want to make up anymore.”

I never thought that saying these words would make me feel such a sense of relief.

I had finally won.

What I won wasn’t just the dignity I took back from him, but also the self I had lost over the years.

He opened his mouth, and after a long while, he asked, “Why?”

“Because I’m too tired. I don’t know when the next breakup will happen, or what the reason will be next time. It’s like walking on thin ice, Jiang Yu.”

It wasn’t until after I broke up with Jiang Yu that I realized a person could live with such peace of mind.

You don’t have to fear a quarrel that could break out at any moment, nor do you have to fear a breakup that could happen at any time.

The center and focus of your life are always on yourself.

You are in control of everything.

This feeling is truly wonderful.

Jiang Yu asked me, “Do you not love me anymore?”

He is a head taller than me, so when I wanted to look him in the eye during a conversation, I had to tilt my head up.

However, this time, I only slightly lifted my chin, and I saw his pitiful eyes.

Ten years, Xu Zhouzhou.

You spent ten whole years to finally make this arrogant man lower his head just a little bit.

“I suppose I don’t love you anymore.”

He stepped forward agitatedly to grab my hand, but I took a step back and avoided him.

He was hurt by my evasive gesture, and his eyes were filled with sadness.

“You’re avoiding me?”

“Do you remember what it was like every time I came to make up with you in the past?”

Jiang Yu was a proud, difficult man, and he had been spoiled since childhood.

Back then, I was the one who pursued him, and it was as if the script for our fate had been written from that very moment.

He threw tantrums; I smiled.

He argued; I coaxed.

He ran; I chased.

He had broken up with me countless times for the sake of his Childhood Sweetheart, Gu Yao. To please him and stop him from breaking up, I had even sent Gu Yao many gifts just so she would stop kicking me while I was down.

At this stage, I actually can’t think too deeply about the past; otherwise, I’ll feel like I was under a curse or had completely lost my mind.

When he heard me mention this, he was stunned for a moment, followed by a long silence.

Yes, he probably understood that those times weren’t very dignified.

“Jiang Yu, before you ask someone else a question, you should ask yourself first.”

“What do you mean?”

“Before asking if I love you, ask yourself-did you ever love me?”

I left him standing there and walked away with long strides, never looking back.