Chapter 7

Chapter 7

I returned the jade piece to Lin Yue.

That jade had been placed in my hands by my mother on her deathbed. She told me she had left behind a scourge, someone she hadn’t managed to kill, and she could never truly rest easy because of it.

At the time, I had no idea Lin Yue even existed, nor did I know this “scourge” was coming to threaten my life.

The Imperial Physician came to report that Lin Yue might be carrying a boy.

I asked Chu Jue, “Do you know what a male child signifies?”

Chu Jue answered formally, “It signifies an Imperial Prince.”

I let out a soft laugh and brushed a fallen autumn leaf from my book. “It signifies that Chi Yan is lying to me.”

“Lying to you about what?”

“Lying that he would always stay by my side.”

Chu Jue didn’t understand, but he didn’t ask. Most of the time, he simply stayed by my side in silence.

As October approached, the peach blossoms withered far too quickly. I had no heart to admire flowers throughout the autumn; besides, I had been feeling constantly drowsy lately, so I spent most of my days sleeping.

My life began to pass in a daze.

Zhi Hong would often try to persuade me, “Your Majesty, the Emperor still has you in his heart. I can tell he still cares for your past together. As long as you get rid of Lin Yue, you still have a chance.”

“Is that so?” I gave a faint smile.

“Zhi Hong, do you remember how Father used to love accompanying me while I studied? Actually, I hated studying. He was the one who would tirelessly coax me, teaching me word by word. Whatever my brothers had, I never lacked; and what they didn’t have, I had in abundance.”

I looked at the withered Peach Tree and sighed. “He truly doted on me. No matter what mistake I made, he would never scold me. Even Grandmother would sometimes say he spoiled me too much, indulging my temperament…”

Zhi Hong seemed to recall those days as well, saying with emotion, “The Master always loved Your Majesty the most.”

I picked up the teacup on the table. The tea had already gone cold and was bitter enough to make my mouth pucker, yet I drank it anyway. I realized then that when a person keeps compromising, even bitter tea eventually tastes sweet.

“Zhi Hong, tell me… why would a father who seemed to love me so much later refuse to even see me?”

Zhi Hong lowered her head, unable to answer.

In truth, I hadn’t figured it out either. Once, my willfulness and arrogance were seen as straightforward and playful in my father’s eyes; later, they became unruly and tyrannical.

Now I vaguely understood-when you dislike someone, everything they do is loathsome.

My father grew to loathe me.

And so did Chi Yan.

The tightness in my chest and the bouts of nausea and vomiting grew more severe. I worried that I might be dying.

Suddenly, I remembered Chi Yan’s words: “Evil deeds bring their own ruin.” Perhaps justice was being served, and I was facing my retribution.

But I still had so many things left undone. I hadn’t killed Lin Yue, I hadn’t taken back a single thing that belonged to me, and I had far too many regrets.

When truly faced with death, I was still terrified beyond measure. I could only hide under my covers and cry in secret.

Chi Yan asked me why I was crying. I asked him, “If I die, what will you do?”

Chi Yan frowned at first, then found it ridiculous. “I have already promised to stay and accompany you tonight. There is no need for this.”

I turned my back to him. After a long while, I said, “Let me wear a wedding dress just once.”

“The Phoenix Coronet and official robes, ten miles of red dowry…”

This was the dream I had been dreaming since the moment I met Chi Yan in my youth.

He embraced me from behind and said in a heavy voice, “Stop overthinking. Go to sleep.”

We both fell into silence.

Chi Yan stroked my hair. “In truth, you are already the Noble Consort.”

“What you promised me was to be the Empress.”

“Why are you so obsessed with status? Lin Yue never cares about such things.”

I felt a chill and curled my body, pulling away from his embrace.

“She doesn’t need to care, because you will give it to her anyway.”

“Jinrong, why must you…”

“Forget it, I don’t want it anymore,” I interrupted him, pulling the quilt tight around me.

He couldn’t give it to me.

He couldn’t give me the wedding I wanted.

Even if I truly put on a wedding dress, I would never be his wife.