Chapter 5

Chapter 5

By my careful count, it has been ten years since I left Pei Yunchuan.

Ten years can change so much. Dynasties overturn, old acquaintances become bones beneath the ground, and yesterday’s splendor turns to ash.

But Pei Yunchuan is still the same as in my memory-he still loves to cry.

Pei Yunchuan is not a whole man. When he’s been wronged or pushed around, he never swallows it.

In past years, I’d kept a few male favorites in my manor. Anyone with eyes could tell those men all resembled Pei Yunchuan in one way or another.

Yet after I carried Pei Yunchuan back with my own hands that night, it was as if I feared the real owner of that face would wake up and get jealous. I dismissed all those favorites overnight-except for one.

That man was Wen Min, the youngest son of the Grand Tutor.

I’ve always done business bluntly. Whoever paid more, I’d supply without stint-arms, armor, whatever they wanted. That was how I made my name around Liangzhou.

In name, I am the adopted daughter the late Governor of Liangzhou took in. After he died, I turned to the business of war.

I have plenty of hidden channels in both the light and the dark, and I’ve dealt with no small number of important figures.

The New Emperor rose from the rough and tumble. In the old days he earned military merit and was granted the title of an ennobled prince outside the imperial clan. When the ruler of the Previous Dynasty grew muddle-headed and put blind trust in eunuchs, the New Emperor stockpiled troops in his fief and rebelled. It was only natural that he and I did business more than once.

When the New Emperor was still a rebel, he treated me as an ally. I was a woman with the connections to obtain munitions, and a mind sharp enough to match. I offered strategies that helped him seize city after city, and when the people’s anger ran high, I helped him win their hearts.

I was a true founding meritorious minister. Though I’m a woman, my achievements were too great to ignore. Once the New Dynasty was established, I was granted the title of Marquis, with Liangzhou as my entire fief.

In those days the New Emperor had only just taken the throne. The broader situation had steadied, yet the realm was still chaotic. The arms routes I controlled were enough for me to raise another rebel army of my own.

To the Emperor, I was a nail driven into a place three inches from his heart. If I harbored other intentions, he could pull it out; if I didn’t, then striking me down would chill the hearts of loyal ministers across the land.

He had no wish to imitate the Previous Dynasty’s emperor-indiscriminate in killing, unable to tell loyalty from treachery. A man who could take the world was aiming to become a wise ruler.

He wanted to plant an eye by my side, but I refused to let the Imperial Court meddle in my marriage. So the Emperor sent Wen Min into my residence.

Everyone believed Wen Min was a hopeless romantic, utterly devoted to me, willing to throw away rank and profit. They said that even if I refused to marry him, he would still offer himself up to my bed and become my male favorite.

Wen Min is proud by nature. He studied the sages’ writings for twenty years and prides himself on being lofty and self-controlled. Coddled in my manor, he only ever shows me a smile; he won’t spare anyone else even a glance.

As for Pei Yunchuan, he’s been swaggering through the Marquis’s Manor, throwing his weight around and bullying people more times than I can count. Lately, he’d made such a scene over this marriage that he realized no one was going to indulge him. So he started prowling the manor looking for someone to take it out on.

No one knows how those two ended up facing off, but the very first second they met, they couldn’t stand the sight of each other.

Wen Min never uses profanity when he insults people-yet every word lands like a needle, and he always aims straight for the sore spot. He went after Pei Yunchuan’s lack of manhood without mercy, stabbing right into his heart.

Pei Yunchuan had no such restraint. Hands on his hips, he hurled the nastiest curses he could think of. When the shouting reached its peak, they simply started fighting.

Wen Min yanked at Pei Yunchuan’s hair like his life depended on it, while Pei Yunchuan clawed viciously at Wen Min’s face.

When I finally pulled them apart, Pei Yunchuan let out a loud wail and collapsed onto my shoulder, bursting into tears.

He looked heaven-help-me pitiful. The hair he’d tied so neatly had come loose long ago. I loosely held the ends in my hand, and as he sobbed and hitched for breath, the strands swayed and tickled my palm.

“My good Ah Rou,” Pei Yunchuan said through sniffles, “what kind of brute are you keeping in this manor? And now I’m the one who has to swallow this filthy humiliation.”
Five red scratch marks marred half of Young Master Wen’s face. He proved to be a man of some character, however; though he clutched his cheek with tears welling in his eyes, he merely glared at Pei Yunchuan with resentment and did not utter a single word of defense.

Pei Yunchuan hadn’t been hurt at all, yet he was wailing quite the storm.

Anyone else with a clear head would have naturally punished this servant, Pei Yunchuan. However, I prided myself on being half-blind to his faults; as soon as Pei Yunchuan started crying in front of me, my heart softened.

In front of Wen Min, I smoothed Pei Yunchuan’s disheveled hair, taking the opportunity to pull him halfway into my embrace.

I then turned to Wen Min and said, “Young Master Wen, if you wish to stay in my manor, you must learn the rules. Others are not permitted to scold him, nor are they permitted to harm him.”

“What is his status, and what is mine? Song Jirou, are you really going to allow a eunuch to humiliate me?” Wen Min asked in a low voice, having failed to receive the comfort he expected.

I did not answer his question, only saying, “Go back to your room and tend to the wounds on your face. It would be ill for you if they left scars.”

It wasn’t until Wen Min flicked his sleeves and left in a fit of rage that Pei Yunchuan tried to squirm out of my arms. I looked down at him with a faint smile. “You’re such a grown man, why are you picking a fight with a child? Have you no shame?”

I thought he was jealous.

However, he was incapable of jealousy. He felt he didn’t have the right to such a feeling; he was simply feeling wronged by Wen Min.

Hearing my teasing, he didn’t hesitate to grab my sleeve to wipe his tears. “Ah Rou, stay away from him in the future. He’s not a good person.”

“Alright,” I answered him.

By the time Pei Yunchuan realized what was happening, it was too late. I had already cupped his face to look at him closely. “Let me see where you were hurt just now.”

My smile deepened. While Pei Yunchuan was dazed and at a loss, I suddenly leaned in and kissed his eyes.

The coldness I had shown when reprimanding Wen Min had vanished completely. When I spoke again, my words were clearly a command, yet the tone was lingering and tender.

I said, “Pei Yunchuan, don’t always cry. Back in the palace, your life was not your own; when you cried then, I could only feel heartache. But now that you’ve come out from behind those palace walls and are by my side, I will protect you. If you cry again, it will be a sign of my own incompetence.”

In truth, Pei Yunchuan didn’t know how to define our relationship.

After so many years of depending on one another, we had long since crossed the boundaries of master and servant.

Yet I still felt it wasn’t enough. I tried my best to tear away the thin veil of ‘social morality’ that separated us, caring nothing for the shackles the imperial power had placed upon him.

I didn’t want the bond of kinship. I wanted to cross that chasm-the depth of which even I didn’t know-to love a man as broken as him.

But Pei Yunchuan could only retreat. He was an ant merely trying to survive in a chaotic world, believing himself unworthy of such fervent love.

At that moment, Pei Yunchuan was nearly scorched by my words. Fearing my kindness, he threw my previous warning to the wind, and tears once again traced paths from the corners of his eyes.

“Ah Rou, no one in this world treats me like a human being. Just treat me as a servant. Whenever you think of me, just give me a bit of your pity and charity as a master.”

I have now reached the rank of Marquis. It has always been I who bestowed grace or displayed authority, deciding the life, death, fortune, and woe of others. Yet, I found myself utterly helpless against him.

“Pei Yunchuan, you want me to treat you as a servant now? Then was the kindness you showed me back then merely the blind loyalty of a servant to a master?” I questioned him in a low voice.

Pei Yunchuan wiped his eyes before replying, “Naturally, it was.”

“You’re lying,” I said without a moment’s hesitation. Seeing his stunned expression, I didn’t wish to press further. I glanced at the sky and said abruptly, “It’s about to rain. Go back to your room early.”