chapter 17
The next morning, Zhou Mu got up early like nothing had happened and made breakfast for me again.
I was in a rush when I left and didn’t have time for it.
After I got to the office, he ordered delivery for me.
A coworker came into my office and actually swallowed back some drool. “Sister Jin, how are you supposed to finish all this breakfast?”
I smiled and asked, “Hungry? Want some?”
Her eyes lit up. “Thank you, Sister Jin!”
As she leaned over, she caught sight of the sticky note on the delivery bag.
On it, Zhou Mu had written a reminder for me to eat properly.
She was just about to say something when I snatched the note off and tossed it in the trash.
She shut her mouth immediately and quietly started eating.
After work, Zhou Mu came to pick me up again.
As if he didn’t have a job of his own.
The car pulled up in front of the company, once again stirring up a wave of envy from my coworkers over what a great husband I’d married.
I said goodbye to them one by one, then opened the door and got into the back seat.
Zhou Mu handed me a warm bottle of rock sugar pear drink.
“I thought I heard you coughing a bit yesterday.”
“Thanks.”
I took it and casually set it down in the door compartment.
We acted like nothing had happened, keeping the surface calm and peaceful.
All the way until we got home.
When I got out of the car, Zhou Mu didn’t follow. It wasn’t until I reached the front door of the building that he finally came upstairs.
He was holding the thermos he’d given me when I first got in the car.
“Oh.”
“Sorry.”
“I put it in the side door and forgot about it.”
Zhou Mu didn’t say anything.
He stood at the bottom of the stairs, looking up at me.
The light was behind him, his face sunk in shadow so I couldn’t make out his expression.
It was a long time before I heard him speak.
“Xiao Jin.”
“If you’re not asking for a divorce, it means you still care about me.”
“Doesn’t it?”
I shifted my gaze away from his face.
Let it fall into nothing.
“Wrong.”
I answered with a smile.
Why force the question?
Why insist I spell it out for you-that I don’t love you anymore?
When adults already know and just cling to that last fig leaf of dignity, why rip it off?
An adult’s world is tangled up with too many interests.
My love for Zhou Mu died the day I finished reading that post.
Take love out of the equation.
Compare staying married and getting divorced, and see which one benefits me more.
In the end, as long as I haven’t fallen for anyone else, staying married to Zhou Mu gives me the greater gain.
The connections, the resources he can bring me… those are the reasons I stayed.
People in business chase profit.
If love demands a heart that’s sincere and untouched by self-interest…
Then once that love is gone, all I have left for Zhou Mu is calculation.
I looked at him and smiled.
My gaze didn’t dodge or waver.
“I’m just making the best use of what I have.”
“Don’t you understand?”
“Zhou Mu.”
“There hasn’t been any love left in our marriage for a long time.”
What’s left is a pretty surface and a hollow inside, cold calculations and regretful attempts to make up for what’s lost.
What’s left is a relationship held together only by the law, cold and lifeless.
Zhou Mu’s body swayed.
I thought he’d get angry.
Lose his temper.
But he didn’t.
He seemed to take a deep breath and force every emotion back down.
His voice was very soft.
Like a butterfly’s wings, so fragile it felt like the slightest touch could break it.
“It’s okay…”
“It’s okay.”
“As long as you don’t ask for a divorce…”
“For now, I won’t.”
I smiled.
And mercilessly broke the butterfly’s wings.
“But if I meet someone else who makes my heart move again, that might change.”
“No!”
“You can’t!”
Zhou Mu shattered in an instant.
“You can’t do that-”
“Xiao Jin.”
“I love you.”
“You can’t love someone else.”
“Xiao Jin-”
I had no interest in watching him lose his mind.
I opened the door and went inside.
“Zhou Mu.”
“Stop acting crazy.”