chapter 16

While we were standing at the curb waiting for a cab, Zhou Mu suddenly apologized to me.

“Sorry, Xiao Jin.

“I asked you out, and instead you ended up running into all this crap.

“If you’re free…

“We can do tomorrow instr-”

“I’m not free tomorrow.”

I cut him off.

The air seemed to thin out all at once.

I scrubbed back through the video I’d just been watching.

When I looked up again, I realized Zhou Mu had been watching me the whole time.

The dark stain still marred his white shirt. His hair fell forward a little, those beautiful phoenix eyes half-lowered.

His gaze rose and sank like a churning sea.

Or like shattered light, splintered in all directions.

I watched the corners of his eyes flush red.

But when he spoke, his voice trembled apart at the seams.

“Why aren’t you angry?”

I’ve known Zhou Mu for over twenty years.

I chased after him for more than ten of those.

He’s always gentle, always calm, always in control.

Reliable the way an older brother is supposed to be.

He stepped closer and wrapped his hand around my wrist, but he didn’t dare use any strength.

His shadow fell over me.

Yet he felt more like a glass tower about to collapse.

“She said you were the one who sent her the address.”

“Xiao Jin.”

“Why aren’t you angry?”

“Can’t you blame me?”

“Yell at me, hit me.”

“Fight with me.”

“Whatever you want, I’ll give it to you-”

“I’m begging you.”

He dropped his head onto my shoulder. I could feel a faint dampness seeping through my shirt.

“I’m begging you, Xiao Jin.

“Anything, anything at all.

“Just don’t… don’t throw me away…”

The late-winter wind blew across my face, still edged with cold.

I was wrapped in the scent of sandalwood that clung to Zhou Mu.

He was holding me too tightly.

His breath was hot as it pressed into the hollow of my collar.

But I just held that stiff, frozen pose, like a wooden puppet.

Zhou Mu wouldn’t let go.

I knew he was waiting for me to answer.

But I didn’t say a single word.