Chapter 9

I took two days off and went home, only to discover my father’s medical records-he had just undergone a heart bypass surgery.

For a while, I was so overcome with guilt that I didn’t know how to face him. In those two years I was working away from home, I wasn’t even by my parents’ side when they fell ill.

My father comforted me, “Qiaoqiao, Dad is fine. It was just a minor surgery. You were busy with work, so we didn’t tell you.”

I broke down in tears, needing him to comfort me instead.

That day, I talked a lot with my father.

I asked him why he had made those two requests of Xie Chuan back then.

My father said, “Silly child, you felt you were making the right choice. Even though your mother and I had many concerns, we didn’t want to break you two up.

“We were afraid that years later you’d look back and regret that, because of our interference, you and Xie Chuan didn’t end up together, and you’d always feel a sense of loss.

“But you were still young. I could see Xie Chuan was a good kid, but a poor couple has trouble in every aspect of life. After he finished graduate school at twenty-five, how many years would he need to work before he could give you a home? Even if he worked hard and became successful, how many men, after getting promoted and making money, the first thing they do is change wives? Can he guarantee he’ll always love you like he does now? How much time would it take, and how many unknown factors are there?

“You once jokingly told us that when you first met Xie Chuan’s parents, you helped someone move bricks. You laughed so carelessly, not knowing how bitter I felt inside. We’ve treasured you since you were little, never even letting you do housework.

“You took one step, but your mother and I were thinking about your next ninety-nine. When you stayed in Beijing for Xie Chuan, your mother secretly cried and asked me if our daughter didn’t want us anymore. You know how much she overthinks-one moment she’s afraid you’ll be deceived, the next she’s worried about what would happen if you accidentally got pregnant. Raising a daughter really does take extra worry.

“If you insisted on hitting a wall, all I could do was try my best to support you. The 200,000 yuan bride price I asked from Xie Chuan wasn’t really about the money. First, I wanted to see his attitude; second, I wanted you both to understand that life isn’t easy and you were both still too young. As for not letting you live together before marriage, it was only out of fear you’d get hurt. After all, when a man and woman are together, it’s always the woman who gets the short end of the stick.

“When parents love their children, they plan far ahead for them. Once you have a baby in the future, you’ll understand your parents’ painstaking care.”

That day, my father’s words were like a wake-up call to me.

Before that, I had struggled, wanting to say to Xie Chuan: “Go abroad, I’ll wait for you.”

I never used to understand why two people who love each other can’t end up together.

Later, I realized that a meeting at the wrong time is destined to end with regret.

In the end, we lost to “reality.”

Most people who throw everything aside for love end up battered and bruised.

That year, I found out that Xie Chuan’s father still needed about 50,000 yuan for medical expenses, so I called Jiang Cheng, who was far away across the ocean.

“Jiang Cheng, lend me 50,000 yuan.”

It was still the middle of the night for him, and he sleepily asked, “Why do you need to borrow money?”

“Forget it if you don’t want to,” I really didn’t have the energy to argue.

My phone chimed-there was a transfer notification.

“Take it.”

He clicked his tongue impatiently and asked again:

“Were you scammed? Had a fight?”

“No.”

I accepted the money and hung up. There was never any need for courtesy between Jiang Cheng and me.

I transferred the money to Xie Chuan’s advisor, who gave it to him under the pretense of a scholarship.

I broke up with Xie Chuan. To make sure I left myself no way back, and to completely sever my longing, I was ruthless with my words:

“Xie Chuan, you’re just a poor guy who can’t even afford a 200,000 yuan bride price. I regret it. I never want to live a life with you again where I can’t see a future.”

Looking back, I was far too naive, far too immature.

I suppose growing up is really just a process of constant trial and error.

It’s just that neither of us was wrong-we just weren’t right for each other.