Chapter 19

Chapter 19

On Sunday, I was invited to participate in a street-style variety show.

Following the route map provided by the production team, I made my way to the location.

Upon pushing open the doors to the cafe, I saw the one person I never wanted to see again.

The moment Shen Sui looked at me, his eyes lit up instantly.

I stared at him with a cold expression. The cameraman following behind me whispered, “Teacher Jiang.”

He was reminding me to be mindful of the cameras.

“Can I change partners?”

The segment director hurriedly waved their hands, unable to understand why I-someone who had always been professional-would suddenly have such a change in attitude.

Shen Sui stood up and walked quickly toward me.

“I’m sorry.

“I did so many things to hurt you in the past. I just wanted to find a chance to make it up to you.”

“Do you just enjoy being pathetic?”

His face turned pale, and he looked somewhat at a loss.

“No, I know I was wrong.

“You like me, and I like you too. We can start over, can’t we?

“We were together for over a year. Weren’t things always good between us?”

I took two steps back.

“President Shen, you’re getting a bit too into character. We’re just alumni.

“There’s no need to act out this scene.”

Shen Sui stared at me fixedly, his eyes reddening.

“Why do you have to deny our entire past?

“We were engaged. We were in love. That year we spent together was very happy.”

I couldn’t help but let out a self-deprecating laugh.

“Eight years.

“It was eight years for me.”

Shen Sui froze, unable to process it for a moment.

His voice sounded dry as he asked, “What?”

Recalling those times, I couldn’t bring myself to smile.

When you truly want to win, there is no smile on your face.

“Eight years.

“To become someone like you, I didn’t dare relax for a single day during my three years of high school, fearing that one breath of relief would leave me falling behind.

“During my four years of university, in order to get to know you legitimately, I approached your friends like I was following a strategy guide to defeat a boss. I didn’t dare let myself down; I didn’t slack off for a second in my studies while also carrying the burden of running a studio. While others were resting, I was analyzing cases, writing proposals, and holding meetings.

“When I graduated and entered the entertainment industry, I met Aunt Shen by chance. She saw that I liked you and let me get engaged to you. Every day that you thought was ordinary was a destination I had walked a very long road to reach.

“The reason you felt it was ‘happy’ was because I was compromising my entire self to love you.”

With every sentence I spoke, the panic on his face grew.

“Why didn’t you tell me any of this?”

“Why should I have told you? My love was never meant to be a burden to anyone. It’s only now-because I have absolutely no feelings left for you, only disgust-that I can tell you these things.

“I’ve already told you: stop bothering me. What are you trying to do by using this show? Force me to come back?”

Shen Sui’s face was deathly pale, his expression pleading.

He murmured, “No, I wasn’t trying to force you.”

As he spoke, he reached out, trying to take my hand.

I pulled back instantly.

Shen Sui’s hand hung suspended in mid-air. His eyelashes lowered, and a single tear rolled down silently.

I watched that tear hit the ground, feeling a sudden urge to laugh.

“Shen Sui, you really are strange. When I was good to you, you didn’t want it. Now that I don’t want you, you follow me around like a nuisance.

“When Aunt Shen suggested our engagement, why didn’t you object? When we were together afterward, why didn’t you say you didn’t like me?

“Did I ever stalk you? Did I ever pressure you or make you uncomfortable?”

Every single time, I had stayed obediently within the safety zone, never saying or doing anything inappropriate.

The moment I sensed my feelings might become a burden to Shen Sui, I would immediately retreat to that safe distance.

“After the breakup, I never once used you for hype, nor did I rely on our relationship to gain public sympathy.

“As far as you are concerned, I have done everything humanly possible.”

I admit there were times when my emotions were out of control, when I couldn’t help but try to please Shen Sui or want a hug.

But that was only after he had agreed to Aunt Shen’s proposal and got engaged to me.

Why didn’t he object at the very beginning?

Why didn’t he say he hated it while it was happening?

I spent my time guessing-guessing if he liked me, guessing if he had already fallen for me, guessing if we could last.

I guessed until I was mentally and physically exhausted. It wasn’t until Lu Li appeared that I suddenly realized I didn’t seem to love myself anymore.

How could I not love myself?

How could I have wronged myself so much?

At that moment, I decided to escape.

A decision made in an instant was built upon countless moments of disappointment.

What Shen Sui thought was one year was actually eight years of my life that I had loved him with every fiber of my being.

Every day, I treated it as a reward to my younger self, losing myself in the process.

The person you cannot have in your youth will always be on your mind.

After being with him, that obsession finally vanished.

He wasn’t worth my love.

The person I liked was the teenage him.

It was that high-spirited youth who stood before the entire faculty and student body and said, “I am grateful for this world where heroes are not judged by their origins; only then could I stand here.”

It was that senior who saw me sitting on the steps crying because I couldn’t solve a problem and said to me earnestly, “Junior, keep working hard.”

In my youth, he was peerless.

Even he himself cannot compete with that memory.

The him of now and the him of his teens feel as though they have split into two completely different people.