Chapter 5

Chapter 5

“This year, your total expenditure was eight hundred taels. Of that, over six hundred taels were spent at the Imperial Kitchen. Your favorite dish is braised pork. On the twentieth day of the eighth month, during the hour of the Rat, you even ordered a portion of braised pork and left a positive review.”

The Noble Consort fell silent. “Your Engel coefficient is remarkably high.”

The Emperor also sighed. “Frist Attendant Lan, you should try to eat a bit less.”

He paused, then explained, “Your figure is a secondary concern; I’m mainly worried you’ll develop the ‘three highs.'”

I felt it was necessary to clarify.

“Your Majesty, on the twentieth of the eighth month, we ate that together.”

Otherwise, how could I have managed to get ‘takeout’ at the hour of the Rat?

The Emperor stood up and did a little twirl. “Look how thin I am. What’s wrong with me having a bite of your meat?”

The Emperor was indeed quite thin.

I almost wanted to ask him, “Wanna show off those legs?”

Consort Yue said indifferently, “Frist Attendant Lan is in good health and her figure isn’t overly plump. She can afford to eat more.”

The Emperor looked at her suspiciously, then turned to the Noble Consort. “What does she mean by that?”

The Noble Consort scooped a spoonful of lotus seed and lily bulb soup for him. “It’s nothing, Your Majesty.”

“I don’t eat lily bulbs,” the Emperor said.

Then he crossed his arms and began to sulk.

The Noble Consort dropped the spoon back into the bowl with a sharp *clink*.

“Someone else did the cooking and you’re still being picky? Eat it or don’t.”

The Emperor hurriedly picked up the spoon and started eating.

“It’s good, it’s good.”

The Noble Consort is truly mighty.

She looked back at me. “Don’t just stand there. Keep going.”

My first thought of the New Year: *Noble Consort, you bitch.*

What I actually said was: “Understood. I shall continue.”