Chapter 8

The first time I met Qiao Liangze was on New Year’s Eve, 2011.

A little past eleven at night, someone came into the convenience store to buy cigarettes. After paying, he didn’t leave; he took out a cigarette, stuck it in his mouth, and was about to light it when I stopped him: “Sorry, no smoking in here.”

The man looked up at me, his brow furrowed slightly, his expression a bit fierce.

My heart skipped a beat. I suddenly remembered a news report about a cashier being killed, and a chill ran down my spine.

“She said there’s no smoking here, didn’t you hear?”

Only then did I notice someone standing by the back shelves.

He wore glasses, looking refined and handsome.

The man glanced at him, then back at me, reluctantly put his lighter back in his pocket, and turned to leave.

I let out a slight breath of relief and looked up to smile at him. “Thank you.”

“No problem.”

He walked over, carrying a shopping basket filled with all sorts of snacks and drinks.

There were so many things that scanning them was slow. He seemed a little bored and asked, “You look pretty young. Are you still in college?”

“Yeah, sophomore. Just working part-time.”

“Why didn’t you go home for the New Year?”

“I get triple pay for working today.”

“But isn’t it lonely to be here by yourself?”

“It’s not too bad.”

I was gradually starting to feel a little annoyed.

Fortunately, he didn’t press further. Before leaving, he gave me a gentle smile. “Happy New Year.”

His tall, slim figure disappeared into the long, dark night.

What a strange guy.

The next afternoon, my alarm woke me up. I got up reluctantly, washed and got ready, and went to Sun Hui’s house for a meal.

Ever since I came to Shenzhen, I’d felt more and more resistant to her.

That’s when I realized just how close Shenzhen was to Chunshui Town.

I had always thought you had to take a boat to Sanya, then a bus to the airport, and finally a plane-surely it would take days.

But it turned out to be just about six hours.

And she’d never come back to see me even once.

When I arrived, Sun Hui opened the door with a bright smile. But as soon as she saw me empty-handed, her expression froze and she frowned, complaining, “You really don’t know how to behave. It’s the New Year and you didn’t even bring a gift.”

I raised an eyebrow and smiled. “You buy gifts for relatives and friends. Which one are you?”

Sun Hui was taken aback, then sighed and let it go.

My heart felt sour. I couldn’t remember when it started, but mother and daughter had become so confrontational-just like… Ye Hai and me.

At the table, my Stepfather sat at the head and greeted me warmly: “Ranran, you should come over more often. You can keep your little brother company.”

Sun Hui chimed in, “Yes, every time I ask you to come, you find excuses. When you get married, you’ll have even less time.”

I pretended not to hear.

“Why do you always go silent when this comes up? Girls will have to marry someday. Isn’t it good to have a man by your side to protect you? Otherwise, if you get bullied, who will stand up for you?”

I sensed the direction of the conversation. I looked blankly at Sun Hui, then at the drinks on the table and the snacks on the coffee table. The more I looked, the more familiar they seemed, and I suddenly understood.

“Mom, was that man yesterday arranged by you?”

Sun Hui froze, looking embarrassed: “I didn’t have a choice. You always refuse blind dates, saying it’s too awkward to eat or shop with strangers. Now you know Mr. Qiao, so just get to know him better. He has pretty good conditions.”

I put down my chopsticks, crossed my arms and sneered, “How good are they?”

“He’s a local, owns two apartments, and Mr. Qiao’s parents are both gone. He only has an older sister who immigrated to the US two years ago. If you marry him, there’s no mother-in-law drama or sister-in-law conflicts. Isn’t that good?”

The more I listened, the more ridiculous it sounded. “If he’s so great, why is he still single? He doesn’t look young. Is there something wrong with him?”

“He’s only thirty-six and perfectly healthy. It’s just… Mr. Qiao has a twelve-year-old daughter.” Sun Hui hesitated. “His wife died of cancer five years ago, and since then, the girl has been withdrawn and sensitive, so Mr. Qiao doesn’t plan on having more children.”

“Oh, I see.” I said slowly. “So he can marry another woman, but this woman can’t have her own children, and must treat his daughter as her own. Is that right? Mom, you’ve really thought it all through. If I marry him, not only do I lose the right to be a mother, I also inherit someone else’s bloodline. Wonderful.”

Sun Hui was at a loss for words.

Seeing this, my Stepfather quickly tried to smooth things over: “Ranran, you’re still young, maybe you don’t understand how important it is to have property and residency in Shenzhen. Your mom and I struggled for ten years just to scrape together a down payment on a second-hand apartment, living frugally and counting every penny, just so we could put down roots in Shenzhen. The hardship isn’t something you can imagine, and we don’t want you to go through it.”

I forced myself to suppress my irritation. “I’m not in a hurry. I just want to live in the present and worry about the future later. Mom, stop forcing your ideas on me. I don’t want to date right now, let alone get married.”

“How is that forcing? You’re my child. Should I just let you drift through life? You graduated from an average university, have no special skills or background. Your only advantage is your looks, but there are plenty of girls prettier than you out there. Can you really rely on that to get ahead? You’d be better off securing something practical for yourself as soon as possible.”

Looking at Sun Hui’s “hate iron for not becoming steel” expression, I felt only irony and sadness.

“Mr. Qiao is very sincere. He came by this morning and said he was very satisfied with you. He plans to give a betrothal gift of two hundred thousand yuan and a car, and he won’t require a dowry. In Shenzhen, there are very few men who would offer this much without asking for a dowry. With such good conditions, you’ll regret it if you miss out.”

I’d only met that man once, and Sun Hui had already discussed marriage with him.

“Right, with such good conditions, does that mean my little brother will have to count on him for his future house too? That’s your real plan, isn’t it?”

Sun Hui was stunned. “What do you mean by that?”

My little brother was gnawing on chicken feet, looking up at me and blinking, having no idea what the adults were arguing about.

“Mom, since I came to Shenzhen, how many men have you introduced to me? If they’re not lame, they’re stuttering; if they’re not divorced, they’re widowers. As long as they have money, that’s all that matters. I guess that’s fair. I’m just a college student from out of town, pretty but nothing else. Is there anyone easier to manipulate than me? No wonder Mr. Qiao was so satisfied after just one meeting.”
The more I spoke, the more agitated I became: “I’m marrying that Qiao, but I can’t have children, my name isn’t on the property deed, and there’s no way the money or the car will end up with me! You keep saying it’s for my own good, but what benefits have I actually received? Who are the benefits really for? Do you really think I can’t see through your little schemes?”

Sun Hui was utterly shocked. She stared at me for a long time, looking a little sad: “Ye Ran, don’t worry. The money and the car will be yours. In the future, your brother buying a house won’t trouble you either. Mom just thinks that marrying Mr. Qiao would make your life much easier, so you wouldn’t be crushed by a mortgage like I am. Yes, Mr. Qiao doesn’t want any more children, but that’s only temporary. If you take good care of his daughter and keep him happy, won’t you be able to have a child if you want one? People change.”

Yes, people do change.

At this moment, I was especially grateful that I hadn’t transferred schools back then, but I also regretted coming to Shenzhen. I was too naive, thinking that as long as I lived on campus and didn’t share a room with my stepfather and brother, I could avoid a lot of trouble. But reality told me that my very existence was trouble.

I didn’t need to worry about my brother buying a house, because Sun Hui would worry about it. Her biggest wish right now was to marry me off as soon as possible.

That’s right, a married daughter is like water poured out-Sun Hui taught me that a long time ago, didn’t she?

“So it’s all about the house. If I can’t afford to buy one, then I won’t. Renting is fine.” I held my breath for a few seconds, looked at Sun Hui, and gave a mocking smile: “I’m insignificant around Ye Hai, dispensable around you, and if I marry Mr. Qiao, I’ll just be living under someone else’s roof! Am I some worthless person? Why should I live like this?”

Sun Hui frowned: “Why do you always twist my words? You’re twenty-one and still so immature, always hurting my feelings.”

“You never fulfilled your responsibility to raise me as a mother, and now you expect me to be obedient and sensible like a child? Sorry, I don’t owe you that.”

Sun Hui’s face stiffened.

My brother frowned deeply, tossed the chicken bone he’d finished gnawing at me, and said unhappily, “Get out! Every time you come, you make my mom angry!”

My stepfather hurriedly pulled him aside and looked at me, hesitating before speaking: “But Ranran, you can’t rent forever. Once you’re over fifty, basically no landlord will want to rent to you.”

“Then I’ll just kill myself when I’m fifty.”

With that, I slammed the door and left.

The air was damp and cold, the streets were quiet, and fireworks bloomed here and there in the sky, falling toward the ground, toward the world. I stared blankly at it all, suddenly unsure where I should go.

How did things end up like this?

Thinking carefully, there were signs from the very first day I came to Shenzhen.

It was my first time on a plane, and as it taxied to the runway, my heart took off with it.

I was clueless the whole flight-didn’t know how to unbuckle the seatbelt, didn’t know how to adjust the seat back, didn’t know you couldn’t use the bathroom during descent… Same with the subway. God, the subway was so long, even longer than what you see in TV dramas. The doors were weird, sometimes opening on the left, sometimes on the right. People kept telling me to move aside, their tone full of disdain, and the way they looked at me was like I was an idiot.

But I didn’t feel the least bit ashamed-in fact, I was proud.

At least I didn’t get on the wrong train or miss my stop. Even though Sun Hui didn’t come to pick me up, I still managed to find the school and my dorm. Other students had parents helping them make their beds and running around for them, but I was different-I did it all myself. Someone even praised me for being independent, and I felt so pleased.

Then I happily called Sun Hui, hoping she’d praise me too, but she was busy at the hospital taking care of my sick brother and had no time for me.

What did Sun Hui say back then?

“Alright, alright, if you’re this old and can’t even handle this, then you might as well not go to college.”

Fine, I admit I was angry and disappointed, but those feelings faded quickly. More than anything, I was excited and looking forward to seeing my mother.

I told myself, my brother is still young and has a high fever-anyone would be anxious. I shouldn’t be jealous, and I definitely shouldn’t blame Sun Hui.

So the next day, I bought fruit and went to the hospital to visit.

When Sun Hui saw me, she only said two things:

“Go wash your hands first, or you’ll spread germs to your brother.”

“Your brother is allergic to mangoes, why did you buy those?”

Thinking about it now, I gave a self-mocking smile.

After that, I never bought them anything again.

Then came last year’s Mid-Autumn Festival.

My brother and I were watching TV on the sofa. What was on? Some boring cartoon, anyway.

I was bored and asked if he wanted grapes-I’d go wash them.

He turned and stared at me for two seconds, then suddenly said, “Why are you always at my house? Don’t you have anywhere else to go?”

That look of disdain, that guarded tone-it was just like I used to be.

How ridiculous. Sun Hui had become Ye Hai, and I had become Chen Ye.

Thinking of Chen Ye, my already frosty heart grew even colder.

The last time we spoke was four months ago. When he found out I was working over winter break and not coming home, Chen Ye accused me of being obsessed with money. We had a huge fight and things got really tense.

I took out my phone and fiddled with it for a long time, but in the end, I put it back in my pocket.

The bus arrived, and I sat in the corner of the last row.

The sky was already dark. Streetlights stretched along both sides of the road, high-rises lit up with thousands of lights, fireworks painted the night, and joy lingered.

I was right there, but it was as if I were sealed inside a bottle, cut off from everything around me.

I stumbled back to the dorm, turned on the light, and saw a few empty beds lined up against the wall. The room was silent.

My roommates had all gone home for the New Year, but even if they were here, nothing would be different.

Six-person dorm-two from Foshan, two from Meizhou, and one local. They usually spoke Cantonese, which I couldn’t understand at all. It wasn’t that I was excluded; sometimes we’d go to the cafeteria or the supermarket together. Everyone maintained the basic social etiquette of adults-polite, but distant.

Just like me and this city-present, yet always on the outside.