Chapter 5

Ye Hai suffered a mild concussion and spent a week lying in the hospital.

After he came home, he didn’t speak, and I was even less likely to start a conversation. Chen Ye was always quiet, so the house felt as silent as a tomb.

Sometimes at the dinner table, I’d glance up by chance and see Ye Hai staring blankly at me, lost in thought, his expression dazed. I had no idea what he was thinking.

One evening two months later, as the school bell rang, classmates poured out of the classroom in groups, heading toward the playground, chatting and laughing, making quite a lively scene.

I waited until the crowd had dispersed before slowly making my way out of the school gate.

Across the street, I spotted a figure standing at the entrance of the ice cream shop. He wore a crisp new shirt, his hair neatly styled, and his beard freshly shaved. He looked much more refreshed than usual.

Ye Hai waved at me, his smile a bit stiff.

He bought me a bowl of strawberry shaved ice. The two of us sat in the shop under the fan; at this hour, most students had gone home, so the place was nearly empty.

The atmosphere was oppressively quiet, so Ye Hai tried to make small talk.

“Is it good?”

“It’s okay.”

“Exams are coming up. Do you feel prepared?”

“Yeah, more or less.”

“Actually, I came by this afternoon and spoke with your homeroom teacher. She said you’re very well-behaved, but maybe a bit too much so, and you don’t really fit in with the class.”

“Doesn’t matter. I don’t fit in at home either.”

After a few seconds of silence, Ye Hai said, “There’s a new amusement park in Chunshui Town. How about Dad takes you there this weekend?”

I scoffed, looked up at him, my tone full of disdain: “I have exams this weekend. What are you up to, trying to make me fail?”

Ye Hai frowned, “Why do you have to talk like that?”

I bit my lip, stabbing the shaved ice hard with the plastic spoon, my nose stinging a little.

Ye Hai calmed himself, softened his tone: “Dad didn’t know, I thought schools were off on weekends. Then let’s go after your exams, okay?”

“No.”

“Then what do you want to do? Hiking? Flying kites? Or do you have any hobbies? Dancing, painting, singing maybe?”

I couldn’t stand it anymore. I threw down the spoon, crossed my arms, and asked, “Dad, are you getting remarried?”

Ye Hai was stunned: “Why would you say that?”

“Dressed so formally, hair perfectly combed, even wearing cologne-if you’re not going on a date, what are you doing? So, after your date went well, you suddenly remembered me? Want my opinion now? Whatever! You didn’t ask me when you adopted Chen Ye, so why pretend to care now?”

Ye Hai looked at me, his expression complicated: “I told you I came to your school this afternoon. Of course I had to tidy up a bit-I couldn’t meet your homeroom teacher smelling like fish, could I? That would just embarrass you.”

Suddenly, I felt repulsed, half-smiling: “You really think things through. I guess you’ve met Chen Ye’s homeroom teacher plenty of times and learned a lot from the experience.”

Ye Hai’s face grew serious: “Ye Ran, Dad doesn’t like you talking like this. Really doesn’t.”

“As long as I like it, that’s enough. You don’t care about me anyway, so why should I care about your feelings?”

“You’re my own child, how could I not care? No matter how outstanding Chen Ye is, he’s still someone else’s son. His father and I were childhood friends, closer than brothers. Now he’s gone, his wife ran off, and the relatives don’t care. Should I just watch his son wander the streets?”

“Wow, you’re so noble, befriending a fool.”

That guy who could only drool with his mouth open always made my skin crawl whenever I saw him. In the end, he was hit by a car after running a red light.

“Ranran, your Uncle Chen wasn’t always like that. He became that way after an accident. You wouldn’t understand.”

“Who could ever understand a fool’s world?”

“You…!” Ye Hai was furious, his chest heaving, jaw clenched tight.

I sneered, “Want to hit me? Go ahead. Compared to your emotional torture, physical pain is nothing.”

Ye Hai suddenly gave up, sighing helplessly, looking a bit defeated. After a moment, he said, “You’re thirteen this year, at an age when it’s easy to be impulsive. It’s normal to have a temper. To be honest, when Dad was your age, I was a real troublemaker too. I used to play with cow dung-stick firecrackers in it, light them, then hide far away and watch unlucky passersby get splattered… Sigh, I’ve been through your age, I get it. Of course, I’ve made mistakes in parenting too, and I’m trying to improve our relationship, trying to compromise…”

“Enough.” I interrupted, annoyed. “What have you tried? What have you compromised? Buying me shaved ice? Taking me to an amusement park? Why do things that are so ordinary in other families become something special with you?”

Ye Hai was incredulous: “Don’t tell me you want me to apologize? I’m your father, your elder. If word got out, people would laugh!”
I couldn’t stay for even a second longer; I grabbed my backpack and left.

Admitting mistakes is too hard, but avoiding reality is much easier.

I don’t know if other people’s parents are like this, but Ye Hai certainly is. According to him, neither my grandparents nor my great-grandparents ever apologized to their children, and in his generation, it was even less likely to break this tradition.

A dozen years later, “Dad Literature” suddenly became popular online: As an only child, I’ve never had the courage to sit down and have a drink with my father. I’m afraid to see the depth in my father’s eyes; a father’s eyes are the most terrifying thing a man can face in his life…

The comments were full of teasing.

But when I was thirteen, I really didn’t dare to look Ye Hai in the eye.

Whether it was his cloudy eyes on the hospital bed, or the gentle eyes in his memorial photo, I couldn’t bring myself to look.

It all happened so suddenly.

At the end of summer 2006, on a morning as ordinary as any other, he went out to sea to fish. One moment, the sky was blue and clear, and in the next, dark clouds rolled in, the wind howled, and the surging waves roared like wild beasts, nearly swallowing the little boat several times.

By the time Ye Hai was brought to the hospital, he was already gone.

Rescue was futile.

The doctors were preparing the death certificate, but then Ye Hai suddenly rallied, full of energy, and with a big smile, called Chen Ye over, took his hand, and said a great many things.

Outside the ward, I was shaking all over, not knowing if I was terrified that the loved one I spent every day with was about to leave, or if I resented that even in death he never cared about me in the slightest… My thoughts were so jumbled I couldn’t find an answer, so I simply stopped thinking. Yes, don’t think about anything, don’t think about anything at all… As I kept repeating this, my legs began to tremble uncontrollably. I wanted to cry, but couldn’t, wanted to vomit, but couldn’t. I just sat there, dazed and blank, my mind a total void.

Then everything went black, and I fainted.

At the funeral, I didn’t cry either. I wore mourning clothes like a puppet, not showing a single expression.

Someone said, “Why is Old Ye’s daughter so cold-blooded? Her own father died and she feels nothing.”

Another person said, “What do you know? Sometimes emotions are so intense that the mind can’t bear them. Just because she’s expressionless doesn’t mean she isn’t hurting inside.”

Was I hurting?

Not really.

That night, when I got home, I made a bucket of instant noodles and devoured it, finishing the soup in no time. But my stomach still felt empty, so I made a second, and then a third… When I was about to make a fourth, Chen Ye came over and took the noodles away.

I looked up at him. “What are you doing?”

Chen Ye was expressionless. “Stop eating.”

I rushed to grab it back, but he was stronger. In the struggle, Chen Ye lost his grip, and the bucket of noodles crashed to the ground.

Staring at the mess on the floor, a wave of intense hatred surged inside me.

Yes, that’s right, hatred-growing from jealousy to envious hatred, and finally to pure hate.

I went wild, punching, kicking, biting, gnawing, scratching at Chen Ye with all my might, leaving visible marks and rings of crimson bite marks on his skin.

“Bastard! Scum! You really are Ye Hai’s dog of a son! Didn’t you say you respected him? Didn’t you say you were grateful to him? Then why didn’t you die with him?! Why don’t you go to hell and keep him company?! He’s dead, so why are you still putting on a sad act in the world of the living-who are you trying to fool? Me? How can you be so shameless!”

A heavy emotion filled my chest, making it hard to breathe. I was suffocating. I needed to vent, needed to shout and scream and let it all out.

“What’s so great about you? You’re not even his biological child, so why was it you he wanted to see before he died? Why did you destroy my home? Why did you appear in my life? Did I owe you something in my previous life? Why are you treating me like this! Tell me, why!”

Chen Ye just took it all in silence from start to finish, without saying a word.

Finally, I was exhausted from hitting, done cursing, cried myself hoarse. Like a puppet with its strings cut, I slumped against the wall, grabbing my hair tightly and gasping for breath.

After a long silence, Chen Ye handed me an envelope: “This is a letter your dad wrote for you before he died. Open it and take a look.”

I lifted my swollen eyes a little and saw three words written on the brown envelope: Apology Letter.

In that instant, it felt like something exploded in my head.

The world collapsed and turned to dust.

I took the envelope, didn’t open it, just tore it up and threw it in the trash.

Chen Ye frowned. “Ye Ran, do you know what you’re doing?”

“I do.”

I smoothed my messy hair and said calmly, “I don’t accept his apology.”

I stood up and went to my room.

Slammed the door shut.