Chapter 2

When it comes to the tangled fate between Chen Ye and me, I have to mention one person.

Ye Hai.

That’s my dad-a real do-gooder.

When I was seven, he brought home the son of his childhood friend who had passed away, and got a tongue-lashing from Sun Hui.

“You’re just a fisherman, not some big boss. We’re still renting our place-where do we have spare money to support outsiders?!”

“He’s my good brother’s son. He’s called me godfather before-how can he be an outsider?”

“Even his own mother doesn’t care about him, so why are you, a godfather, meddling? Ye Hai, let me make this clear: if you dare keep Chen Ye, I’ll take our daughter and leave this house!”

“Go ahead. If you want to take Ranran and leave, then leave. But I’m definitely keeping Chen Ye.”

Strangely, most of my childhood memories are blurry, but I remember that day with unusual clarity.

Whether Ye Hai felt his authority as head of the household was being challenged, or he truly wanted to adopt Chen Ye, his offhand tone at the time really stung me. For the first time in my life, I felt the pain of being abandoned by family.

For a long, long time afterward, that pain haunted me, lingering in my heart, leaving me at a loss for how to face it, and making it impossible to forgive Ye Hai.

Despite my grandmother’s repeated attempts to stop her, Sun Hui ultimately didn’t get a divorce.

“What married couple doesn’t argue? Ye Hai is stubborn, but he’s not a schemer, and he’s nothing like your dad, who’d hit people after drinking. Be grateful.”

“Mom, don’t compare Ye Hai to someone like my dad. Just because you’re used to eating sour cornbread, does that mean you should be thankful for hard steamed buns?”

“That’s not what I mean. But Hui, have you thought about how you’d live if you really got divorced and took Ranran with you? You can’t just move back home, right? You know what your sister-in-law is like. Ever since she found out I give you two hundred yuan a month, she’s been giving me attitude, saying all sorts of nasty things! I’m her elder, her mother-in-law, but she doesn’t show me any respect…”

Grandma wiped her tears and continued, “But we’re all daughters-in-law in someone else’s house, so I understand your sister-in-law too. It’s just that seeing you without a decent piece of clothing makes me feel terrible… Both sides are my flesh and blood. Do you want me to watch you and your child end up on the street, or bring you home and risk your brother and sister-in-law getting divorced?”

Sun Hui fell silent.

She didn’t say a word after leaving Grandma’s house.

I reached out and hooked her finger, looking up and calling, “Mom.”

Sun Hui looked down at me and asked, “What is it?”

I opened my mouth, but being so young, my vocabulary was limited. I could only fumble for words to describe how I felt: “Mom, you’re Grandma’s daughter, so isn’t it normal for her to give you money? Why do you have to care about Aunt’s attitude? Also, we spent the whole afternoon at Grandma’s, and I’ve been hungry for ages. You must be hungry too. So why didn’t Grandma let us stay for a meal? There was braised pork ribs and marinated beef in the fridge. Why did she kick us out as soon as Aunt came home? Did Grandma always treat you like this?”

Sun Hui was stunned, as if she didn’t know how to explain. After a moment of silence, she shook her head helplessly. “Mom is already married. A daughter who marries is like water spilled-you wouldn’t understand.”

I really didn’t understand, and frowned even deeper. “So if I get married, will you abandon me, just like Grandma?”

“I only have you. I will never abandon you.”

“But now there’s Chen Ye at home, and Dad says he’s your child too.”
Sun Hui’s face darkened. “He’s nothing! He’s not even worth a fart!”

But clearly, Ye Hai didn’t think so.

He treated Chen Ye with all his heart, far better than he treated me, his own daughter.

He would make me sleep on the folding bed in the living room, freeing up the bedroom for Chen Ye. He would let me eat dried shrimp, claiming it was good for calcium, while giving all the shrimp meat to Chen Ye… Things like this happened again and again.

Because of Ye Hai’s favoritism, Sun Hui often argued with him, and more than once threatened divorce.

Each time, Grandma would persuade her to stay.

“Hui’er, if I had just walked away like you want to, you and your brother would have been beaten to death by your father long ago! You’re a mother now, you can’t be too selfish. You have to learn to sacrifice for your child.”

After hearing this, Sun Hui fell silent.

A year passed like this, until one ordinary afternoon, my parents suddenly had the biggest fight they’d ever had.

Ye Hai was surprised. “Sixty yuan for a dress?! Forget it. Ranran is still growing, she won’t fit into it next year.”

“Isn’t Chen Ye growing too? Didn’t you just spend eighty yuan on new shoes for him!” Sun Hui’s voice shot up. “Spending money on your own daughter is like digging up your ancestors’ graves, but raising someone else’s son makes you as happy as winning the lottery! Ye Hai, tell me the truth, are you having an affair with Wang Mei?”

Ye Hai shook his head. “No, really, no.”

“Bullshit! I suspected something was up between you two even before we got married. When Wang Mei had a child, you visited her more than anyone else! I was so naive back then, thought you were just kind-hearted, never realized you were sneaking around all along!”

Ye Hai said nothing.

Sun Hui was so angry she started hitting him, cursing as she did. “Wang Mei has a bad reputation, all the neighbors say no one knows who Chen Ye’s father is, and now it turns out his real dad is right here! Ye Hai, you really are something. Always talking about brotherhood, but you couldn’t even keep your hands off someone else’s wife! Disgusting! Does it feel good to put a green hat on the dead?”

“Shut up!”

Ye Hai raised his hand and slapped Sun Hui, leaving her stunned.

It was that day that Sun Hui decided she didn’t want to sacrifice anymore.

She decided to get a divorce, to leave this home, to leave me.

After finishing the paperwork at the civil affairs bureau, Sun Hui calmly packed her things. Ye Hai watched for a while and said, “Let me take you to the dock.”

“No need, my brother will take me.”

“Call when you get to Shenzhen, just let us know you’re safe.”

Sun Hui looked up at him. Ye Hai avoided her gaze. “Otherwise Ranran will worry.”

At the mention of me, Sun Hui’s nose tingled. She picked up her luggage and left.

I hurried after her, grabbing her hand. “Mom, can you take me with you? Didn’t you say I was your only child, that you’d never abandon me?”

Sun Hui looked at me, her eyes instantly red. She knelt down, stroked my face, and said, “Ranran, wait for me. When I’ve saved enough money, I’ll come get you, okay?”

I said nothing, biting my lip hard.

Sun Hui gave me a long, deep look, then stood up and walked away.

Soon, I heard movement downstairs and suddenly rushed outside.

I will never forget that day. The sun was bright, the air was cold, and there was a faint salty taste in the air-I couldn’t tell if it was my tears or the sea breeze. I watched the tricycle drive away, and it felt like a huge hole had been torn open in my heart, whistling with pain. I chased after the tricycle, crying and shouting, “Mom… Mom…”

Tears blurred my vision. All I could see was that blue tricycle getting farther and farther away, disappearing around the corner without looking back.

I couldn’t run anymore. I sat on the ground and wailed.