Chapter 11

Chen Ye lived in an urban village in Bao’an District.

There were no busy streets or dazzling neon lights here-just rows of crowded houses and workers from all over the country.

Yet it was unusually lively.

Shops were scattered haphazardly along the streets and alleys, yellowed electrical wires hung loosely in the corners, and balconies dripped with drying underwear and vests. Everyday life was everywhere, making this place feel like a luminous pearl out of place in the big city.

Chen Ye lived on the third floor. Downstairs was Uncle Li’s family; the two of them sold seafood at a nearby market.

Just two stops further was Zhang Yue’s school.

Whenever I thought about how often he and she had been meeting in places I couldn’t see, my heart felt inexplicably heavy.

It was as if I had been silently abandoned in some corner, lonely and helpless, while the person responsible was right in front of me, slurping noodles as if nothing had happened, eating with great relish.

After finishing, Chen Ye wiped his mouth, lit a cigarette, and said, “Hurry up and eat. When you’re done, I’ll take you back to school. It’s going to rain soon.”

Suppressing a certain resentment, I put down my chopsticks. “I’m full. Let’s go.”

Chen Ye was baffled by my sudden coldness, blinked, but didn’t ask further, simply stubbed out his cigarette.

It was seven in the evening. The urban village was dim and yellow, while outside, the city was ablaze with lights. The two of us rode the electric bike, weaving through this divided yet harmonious city.

Arriving at the school, Chen Ye watched me go in. I turned into the gate and waited for a while, then quietly poked my head out to look.

Sure enough, he hadn’t left. He stood at the school gate, watching the students coming and going, a faint smile on his face-part envy, part sadness.

After so many years, the same scene, the same expression.

Only this time, I no longer had the courage to turn back.

Unable to sleep that night, I stared at the gray ceiling, unable to stop thinking. Up to this day, does Chen Ye still owe me? Or did he ever owe me at all?

Undeniably, he did ruin my childhood and my family, even if it wasn’t his fault.

But I also had to admit, he gave up his studies and changed his life for me, though that wasn’t my fault either.

The true culprit behind all this had long perished at sea, so why should I keep clinging to the past?

Maybe… it’s time to accept this person.

Thinking this way, everything suddenly became clear, and I felt refreshed.

Indeed, waiting for the wind is not as good as chasing it-some things you have to figure out on your own; no one can help you.

On Saturday morning, Sun Hui suddenly called, wanting to meet and talk. We agreed to meet at a vinegar-style hotpot restaurant.

On the way, I kept telling myself to communicate well, to have a good conversation.

Sun Hui arrived early and booked a small private room.

She handed me the menu. “Ranran, Mom remembers you like crispy cartilage and baby crabs. I’ve already ordered them. See if you want to add anything else.”

I pulled out a chair and sat down. “No need, it’s just the two of us. That’s enough.”

The dishes soon arrived. The small pot bubbled and steamed, and the two of us chatted idly about family matters.

Sun Hui’s ingratiating smile and reserved demeanor reminded me so much of Ye Hai waiting for me at the school gate years ago. It made me uncomfortable, and I warned myself again not to lose my temper impulsively.

As we were about to finish eating, Sun Hui put down her chopsticks, hesitated for a long time, and said, “Ranran, Mom has been reflecting these past few days. You’re not my appendage. I shouldn’t force you to do things you don’t like under the guise of doing what’s best for you. I’m sorry.”

The little chili hit my tongue and stunned me, and it took a while for my brain to process the meaning of her words.

My mother was apologizing to me-actually apologizing, not in a letter or in writing, but in person.

I quickly took a sip of water and said softly, “I should be the one to say sorry. I spoke harshly in anger and hurt your feelings.”

Sun Hui sighed lightly. “Believe it or not, since I came to Shenzhen, I’ve thought about you all the time, often crying myself to sleep… Back then, I worked several jobs, nanny during the day, waitress at night, sometimes even a hospital caregiver. I never felt tired; I had only one thought in my mind-to bring you over as soon as possible.”

I listened quietly.

“Like that, I endured for two years. I didn’t save much money, and instead wore myself out and got sick. I was so confused during that time, not knowing if divorcing was right or wrong. If I hadn’t divorced, at least I could have watched you grow up, instead of being alone now, with no one to rely on, not even the courage to go back and see you.” Sun Hui paused slightly, then continued, “Later, I met your Uncle Zhang. He treated me very well, making porridge and buying medicine when I was sick, shielding me when customers gave me a hard time… He didn’t mind that I was divorced, and sincerely wanted to build a life with me.”

At this point, Sun Hui looked up at me, her eyes a little red. “Ranran, forgive me. I was so lonely and miserable then, and just happened to have someone caring by my side. I really couldn’t resist.”

I shook my head. “Mom, you’re not my appendage either. You should have your own life. I don’t blame you.”

Sun Hui took a deep breath, calmed herself, and continued, “Uncle Zhang and I don’t have much money, but he’s very hardworking, getting up early and working late every day. After we got married, life kept getting better, and I finally felt hopeful. After buying a house, my nerves relaxed, and I thought I could finally bring you to live with me.”

I lowered my eyes and said nothing.

“But you refused. When I told Uncle Zhang about it, I actually found him relieved.” Sun Hui shook her head and sighed. “That’s human nature. He’s not wrong. After all, you’re not his own child. Who would be as foolish as Ye Hai?”

Mentioning Ye Hai, the atmosphere instantly became dead silent.

Sun Hui frowned regretfully, her throat moved slightly, and she continued, “Soon you were admitted to Shenzhen. The day you arrived, your brother was sick, and I couldn’t attend to you. The next day, I didn’t treat you very well either. I’ve always felt guilty about that and wanted to make it up to you. But after spending some time together, I realized you didn’t need me anymore. You’re very independent, managing both your studies and life so well. Whenever I wanted to do your laundry, cook for you, or take you shopping, you always resisted… I felt worthless in front of you, which scared me and made me desperately want to find a sense of existence.”
Sun Hui’s gaze gradually dimmed. “They say that a few words of concern are nothing compared to a generous sum of money, but ever since your little brother came along, our household expenses have increased. I really don’t have much to spare, and I can’t offer you any financial help, but I still want to do something for you… After thinking it over, I just want to introduce you to a boyfriend.

I tugged helplessly at the corner of my mouth.

“I know you’re resistant. Young girls all like handsome boys, but life isn’t all romance-it’s about rice, oil, and salt.”

I said, “Mom, I understand your good intentions. It’s just that I don’t have any plans to date right now, and I don’t intend to stay in Shenzhen in the future.”

Sun Hui was stunned. “Then where do you want to go?”

“I haven’t decided yet.”

Sun Hui sighed, somewhat helpless. “No matter where you go, you need to have a skill.”

I smiled. “There are three hundred and sixty trades, and every trade has its champions. I’ll find a job that suits me.”

“Are you going to try them all one by one? A girl’s youth is short-how much time do you have to waste? Let’s not talk about your work ability, just about social etiquette: every time you come here, you come empty-handed, and when you see Uncle Zhang, you don’t even put on a pleasant face. Do you know how awkward that makes me feel?”

I pursed my lips. “Okay, I’ll pay attention to that from now on.”

“Not just here, but outside too. You’ve been in Shenzhen for a year and a half and still don’t have a single friend. I don’t believe your school is full of Guangdong locals-how come everyone else has their own groups, but you’re always alone?”

“Actually, our dorm relationships are pretty complicated. They’re friendly on the surface, but behind the scenes, they complain about each other. What’s the point of that kind of scheming friendship? Compared to that, being alone is pretty nice-at least it’s easy and comfortable.”

“Do you think you can be alone your whole life? If you find a dorm of six people complicated, how will you handle an office with a dozen? I’m not just introducing Mr. Qiao because he’s wealthy-the main thing is his family relationships are simple. If you marry him, you won’t have to worry.”

Mentioning Qiao Liangze, I said, “I already made things clear with Mr. Qiao last month. Our values don’t match, and we both feel it’s not suitable.”

Sun Hui was shocked. “Child, how could you turn down such a good marriage? There’s no perfectly compatible partner-you have to work things out together. At least give it a try.”

I replied calmly, “Mr. Qiao is a businessman who only cares about profit. What I want is a home with warmth and affection, and he can’t give me that.”

Hearing this, Sun Hui grew emotional. “So everything I just said was for nothing, right? Can love and romance fill your stomach? Sure, you’re young now and think love is enough, but what about later? Do you have to wait until you’re old and regret it, like me?”

I was puzzled. “Isn’t Uncle Zhang good to you?”

Sun Hui said nothing.

I thought for a moment, then suddenly widened my eyes in disbelief and asked, “Do you mean… you regret marrying my dad? Or regret having me?”

Sun Hui avoided my gaze, her tone very faint. “You’re my child. No matter what, I love you.”

She didn’t answer my question directly.

Maybe it’s both.

If she hadn’t married Ye Hai, I wouldn’t exist, and without me, she wouldn’t have so many worries and concerns. But since I was born, could she put me back in her belly? Ye Ran, Ye Ran, it’s ridiculous to even ask such a question.

Sun Hui was still lamenting that marriage, shaking her head nonstop. “You’re too naive and impulsive. Why didn’t you discuss it with me before refusing? Marrying Mr. Qiao is your best option. Otherwise, with your own conditions, forget about a comfortable life-you might not even have enough to eat in the future.”

My chest felt tight, a breath stuck that wouldn’t go up or down. I asked coldly, “Did you ever discuss your decisions with me? And what do you mean by ‘my own conditions’? Am I missing an arm or a leg, or do I have some mental defect? What makes you so sure I won’t have a good life?”

“What are you saying? It’s not like I’m wishing bad luck on you,” Sun Hui complained. “Let’s be honest: you’re naive, impulsive, and not tactful. How are you going to survive in society like this?”

I tilted my head at her, pulled up the corner of my mouth, and laughed lightly. “Yes, I have a weird temper and say unpleasant things, but who’s to blame for that? When I was eight, my own mother left me, and my own father didn’t care about me. No one taught me social etiquette, no one taught me to be tactful and likable. All I learned was the coldness and unpredictability of the world. Once my personality was formed, you suddenly jumped in and said this is wrong and that is wrong. Do you think that’s reasonable?”

Sun Hui immediately deflated, slumping into her chair in despair.

The meal ended on a sour note.

I wandered home in a daze, the bus swaying along. I went up to the third floor, took out the spare key, opened the door, and found everything quiet.

Dragging my exhausted body, I collapsed onto the sofa, like a boat finally returning to harbor after drifting for so long, and let out a long sigh.

I drifted off to sleep.

When I woke up, there was a blanket over me.

The living room was dim, and a faint light glowed in the kitchen, where a busy figure moved under the lamp.

He skillfully chopped and washed vegetables, prepared sauces, and set everything aside on plates. Then, as he turned around, our eyes met.

Chen Ye was startled. “When did you wake up?”

“Just now.”

“Alright.” He turned back. “I’m about to start stir-frying.”

I walked into the narrow kitchen, folded my arms, and leaned against the doorframe. “What are we eating?”

Chen Ye tilted his head and grinned proudly. “Soy sauce shrimp and salt-baked bamboo sausage, plus stir-fried beef rice noodles. I just learned these-let me show off a bit.”

“Who taught you?”

“Sister Hua.”

Uncle Li’s daughter-in-law.

“Oh.”

I couldn’t help but smile, walked behind Chen Ye and craned my neck to peek into the wok. With a sizzle, the food hit the hot oil and smoke billowed out, making me cough. He shifted and nudged me aside without looking back. “Go wait over there, don’t get in the way.”

Soon the dishes were ready. We carried the plates to the little coffee table in the living room, sat on the floor by the sofa, and ate while watching TV.

“How does it taste?”

“Delicious.”

Even better than the food at the street stall Qiao Liangze took me to.

It tasted like home.